Living for the weekend.
I spend many days imagining if things were different. When I was younger and filled with more hope about the mysteriousness of life I genuinely believed in manifestation.
If you want something enough and put enough good intention into those thoughts and actions it will eventually happen for you.
I’m 25 and I still fall asleep imagining or “hoping” for the same things since I was 21.
No amount of thinking, dreaming, or “praying” will make things lean in my direction if I’m not actively working towards that goal through my actions as well.
But, sometimes the things I want are just out of reach. The door is already closed and locked and I’m just pulling at the handle over and over again hoping someone will unlock it. They’ll remember I’m behind that door and open it just to see me again.
People likely don’t think about me as often as I think about them. I have a sentimental mind, borderline obsessive if you will.
If I’ve held you to some high regard at any point in my life my mind reminds me of your existence daily. It wonders if you remember me, and if you also make the conscious decision to leave me behind that closed door everyday.
Part of life is moving on and leaving things in the past. I understand that some connections are temporary and not everyone is meant to stay in your life.
But, I can’t stop my heart from feeling this heavy sensation. I don’t want to be forgotten by the people I still remember. There is no way of knowing for sure if they think about me. If they do am I a fleeting thought or someone they miss.
I’m trapped in a mind that constantly cycles through people and distant memories that are behind me.
Look forward.
Look forward.
Look forward.
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