im letting go of all my questions and saying goodbye in To Mom

All my life mom ive heard about the child you lost years before I was even a thought. All my life really. You have no ideal how that makes sombody feel. Especially when in your wedding photos your very pregnant with me. WAS I A REPLACEMENT BABY? DID YOU GET PREGNANT SO DAD WOULD MARRY YOU? When you married dad he had been already married and divorced a handful of times. He never got to raise the other childern he had. So why would a man want to do that all over again?? Huh? I just dont get you. Im very close to dad asyou already know and he said you guys broke up before your other child died. Then after the death you started calling him and hangin around. Dad said he really didnt was to continue the relationship but he felt bad because of your loss. He honestly wanted a woman more closser to his age. You and dad are 16 years apart in age like wow, really mom. A daughter dosnt want to think of her mother as a woman living off of welfare and conceiving a child aka me jusy so a man would marry her. I honestly try not to think that about you I do. Its just whem I look back at how you were and are with me. I justcant help but wonder.