Between October and yesterday, other than that tournament earlier this year, I have watched precisely 2 minutes of hockey this year and I have to say ...the fact that it included douche canoe Drew Doughty getting flattened to the ice while coughing up the puck was just *chefs kiss* What an asshole.
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We are preparing a revolt of sorts for the third time. Third time's a charm, right? This time it's been a clandestine adventure of lawyers, policies, recruitment, and bylaw creation and when you put in that way, it doesn't sound so thrilling. The board of directors will be informed shortly and then, I suspect, the whining will begin
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Anyway, predeterminism or simple coincidence? I had a conversation at family dinner about why things happens the way they do. Most people thought there is some predetermined path we all follow through life and I get the comfort in that. It removes accountability for your actions and places them on some ill-defined being. No wonder by step-dad was so in favor. But the two people at the table who were decidedly signed up for coincidence, me and my sister-law, just happened to have experienced terrible trauma. Me, cuz I'm a bit of a dum dum apparently, and her...well, she lost a baby in a particularly gruesome way. And so we've had multiple people tell us that everything happens for a reason and that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. The people who say these things...I don't know how I didn't stab them in the fucking throat.
I cannot understand predeterminism. I cannot explain away pain. My step-dad reminded me of all the talks I gave post-injury to kids and how that could've saved at least one of those kids, implying that was why I'm on the path I'm on. But if bad things are predetermined then whoever is determining these things can just reprogram and prevent whatever might happen to those kids and I wouldn't need to be there at all. But they don't. And people just accept that because they're on their path, and no matter what they do, all the good in their lives is totally fucking explainable. Ugh. Shoot me. I'm sorry. It's too neat, too clean and too orderly. Life is a mess of things and we're bouncing here and there, hoping we catch something that makes us feel anything at all before we breathe our last last breath. And I can't see how that is predetermined. We choose to reach for things, we change our minds, we're stubborn and indecisive and when things happen in a state of that kind of being, how can it be anything but coincidence?
That said, I'm a bit of a hypocrite. I will absolutely leave room for people and, more importantly, love to be more than coincidence. Maybe Jung was right about meaningful coincidence. Running into your grandson after years of not seeing him only to find out he died a week later would allow people to think a higher power made that happen but it seems more likely that we attach meaning to an event like and it takes on a greater significance. But again, bottom line, we decide.
I don't know...my last few entries have been about the feelings I have for someone I've recently met. And our conversations feel different, our...energy feels different, she feels different, and I feel different. But does that mean that us meeting was written before we met? It's a romantic thought and it seems like love is the exception. Like, love is too big to be coincidence. But maybe it feels like that because of the meaning I attach to it and her and vise versa. And in this respect, we create our own fate. And it's only meant to be once we decide it to be...
I don't know but whatever any of this is, if you tell me everything happens for a reason, I'm going to stab you in the eye.
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