but then i wake up in Sometimes I feel dead inside

its been strange lately, i’ve wondered where i’ve drifted off to lately. i don’t care about having a romantic life right now. i mean i have the girls i see, but i don’t really care about them not in the i’m in love with them. just in the i have fun with them but really don’t think of them as more than friends. anyhow, i randomly started listening to music by some friends of mine, it really got me thinking about how my life used to be. i don’t know its not really being nostalgic, i felt for a long time that i was waiting for something important and i never could figure out what it was. now i feel like i somehow missed it. i have no idea how that may have happened. i don’t even know what i missed. but it feels important, and i want to try and get it still. i don’t like this abstract set of thoughts. its making me pine for something that is more than likely unattainable, mostly due to my not knowing what it is. but i know the answer isn’t in my job, its not in women, its not in any of my vices, its something out there and i wish i knew what it was. anyhow i’m disappointed in my vices, i’m bored with them i suppose. i want a stupid adventure with my friends that even after it ends i’m content to just be riding around in a car singing along with the stereo. maybe it is nostalgia after all.