i know i'm playing w/ fire. but it's so damn beautiful and i don't care. scared fragile vulnerable. abuse? idk in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
- Nov. 11, 2014, 6:31 p.m.
- |
- Public
I don’t want advice, or anything. I just want support. please.
yeah so i’m 60 - 70% sure that last night while drunk evan threatened me. well except. there wasn’t a threat involved. no it sounded like it was actually going to happen. I haven’t told anyone who can actually do anything about it cause that would be admitting i’m still in contact w/ him after telling everyone i’m not, so. I told mark and asked if he would do something about it [mark doesn’t know a whole lot about what went down almost 2 yrs. ago] but he didn’t seem willing to, so. or comfortable w/ it. evan’s never threatened me until last night. he said he’d come to my door but he didn’t say what he’d do once he got there. it happens again i’m telling Muriel I don’t care. I told evan that too. I know i’m playing w/ fire here but it’s so damn beautiful and I don’t care. [no of course I don’t I have ptsd ad not caring is part of it. if I didn’t have that part of it then yeah I would care]. I have cared and I will. but bc of my depression I don’t believe I deserve better. then this constant back and forth Jekyll and hyde. verbal abuse [oh yeah he also verbally abused me]. I genuinely believe others believe I do. but I don’t believe I do [and telling me otherwise won’t help, so]. no I believe abuse, is all i’m worth. which yeah is really sad.
I know everyone has their own opinions of what I should do and how they’d handle it. and I know people mean well. but telling me how to handle this won’t help. i’m fragile and vulnerable and scared right now. I just need support. please.
Lacrime di Drago ⋅ November 16, 2014
Been there, done that. Got the scars both inside and out. And I DO have PTSD, and anxiety, and depression and OCD. I also have very low self esteem. Life is great right now, but I'm always waiting for the shoe to drop. And I look for it in places it's not. No one can understand unless they've been where you are. And even then, it's not exactly the same. Just know we are out here. And, on some level, we understand... and there is no judgement.