I'm back... in These titles mean nothing.

… from having my seven teeth pulled - five from my top canine back and two bottom teeth kind of in the middle underneath them. I had nitrous oxide which kind of distances me from what’s going on and of course a lot of local numbing. The doctor and his assistants were very kind and as far as I could very tell capable too. So there. I have pages of instructions that may or may not be helpful.

I met a baby in the elevator whose name was Lilian. Last time we met a different baby whose name was Otto. Otto was a flirt. There was a third baby at the restaurant in Rochester - I went to see her - her game was Blair _ I think I remember that. I know it had an I in it

Last night I tried to think about what the right thing is to do. I vacillate. But I suppose I will go on with the surgery. I really regret the cost - most covered by insurance but not all - and it’s just hard to know what it will be left for me to pay. Dentistry is covered even though I would not have had my teeth out if it weren’t required for my heart surgery.

I still want to die. But but but I don’t really feel capable of doing it on my own. Plus there are aspects to life that I still enjoy and find important.

I also feel a certain obligation to my sons to live a while longer.

Sometimes I would really like to talk to someone....

Meanwhile - I guess I’ll start enother pan of rice and lentils and split peas and vegetables. Sounds like tomatoes are too acid until I heal up a bit. I will set some beans to soak for tomorrow.