Theme in Everyday Things

Theme today: Things I’ve done that I never thought I could do.

It’s funny. I had every intention on writing about my brief four day “stay-cation” a couple of weeks ago, but my friend’s entry drew inspiration deep inside me. After reading her entry, one specific scenario came to mind.

I dated a few girls while I was in middle and high school. Most of my relationships didn’t last long, of course.

My main problem was that I was sheltered as a kid. I lived on a dead end street, and we only had four neighbors. My parents wanted me to invest more in reading books than hanging out with girls. I never went on an actual date until I was an adult, and I was never one to socialize outside of school. The only two places I could interact with girls were band and martial arts. As a teen, I didn’t have a car or driver’s license, so my “dates” were limited to school and/or the football games on Friday nights.

I had female friends, sure, but I could never get out of the friend zone. On top of that, I went through a period where I was mainly attracted to white girls. Living in the south, the majority of the women were raised to never mix races together. Unfortunately, most of my classes had more white women than black women, so my pickings were slim when it came to finding someone in school.

During my last semester of high school, I met Tori through a social media site. She lived approximately 40 miles away at that time. We actually started dating in 2001 off and on before finally calling it quits for good in 2002.

After Tori and I broke up, I dated two other girls long distance; neither one of those relationships lasted longer than two months. It was hard for me to find anyone while in college. You’d think in a big city like downtown Atlanta, I would have no problem finding someone.

In college, I never knew how to talk to a woman without seeming too interested, too creepy, or just giving off a bad vibe in general. I spent more of my time in my dorm room than getting out. I started becoming frustrated with my lack of success in that department, and I went so far as to ask my friends if they knew anyone who was single. They all told me no. In one of my classes, I wrote a fictitious letter to my girlfriend. I really felt sad that I didn’t have anyone to be with.

I tried going to school functions in hopes I would find someone, but I had no luck. I tried going to a singles event held at one of the dorms with no luck as well. Eventually, I went back to online dating in hopes of finding someone to date. This would continue well after I graduated college in 2006.

It was hard for me to do any of those things because I had very strict standards: she had to be 100% single, she had to be shorter, and she has to be around my age. I was also the kind of guy who truly respected a woman’s body. It was hard enough for me to slap a woman’s butt without feeling like a perv.

It seemed like I would never find someone to be with long-term. My long-time readers would remember Andrea and Amber. I found those two using plentyoffish, and I thought I had something in both, but they ended up being a disappointment as well. I wanted a long-term relationship, and both girls just wanted someone to chill with for the time being.

I made it a point to quit using dating sites and try and find someone in the real world. I read countless articles across the web on how to get more dates. I read you should try grocery stores, restaurants, public places, etc. You should be friendly, confident, and make eye contact. I’ve read you should be prepared for rejection and not let it get to you.

No matter what I tried, I kept falling up short. None of my relationships would last beyond the three month mark, and my success rate at plentyoffish and other dating sites were dwindling. I decided to give up on the search all together and deleted all of my dating profiles.

On February 9th, 2013, I was going to see Ana and her new boyfriend. She told me how wonderful he was, and she really wanted my feedback on her relationship. I told her that he seemed like a wonderful boyfriend to me. The three of us spent a few hours together, and we even took time to take a few pics together to commemorate the evening. While I was on her laptop copying photos, they started playing a concert for me :-). Unbeknownst to me, Jasmine sent an IM intended for Ana. With Ana’s permission, I replied back to Jasmine; we later exchanged contact info, and then I left for the night.

The next two months ended up being a whirlwind. Jasmine and I started talking everyday. We both had tried long distance relationships, and we both vowed to never get involved in another one again. The more we started talking, the more we realized a relationship could be possible between us. At one point, we started acting more and more like a couple using pet names, flirting, etc. We reached a point where we had to acknowledge the inevitable: we were going to be in a relationship. Even though we vowed not to get into one again, I asked her out on April 19th.

What made this relationship different is that I’m with someone who wants to be with me. I never had to do anything sleazy or anything. The relationship is still going on nearly 19 months later, and we’ve already seen each other twice. I never thought this relationship would happen. It came out of nowhere, and it was all because I was at the right place, at the right time.