12:49am in 日記

My update is that I’m tired, as usual.

I realized that 6 out of the 8 months I’ve worked with this company I’ve had to work two weekends a month. I guess the compromise is I get to instead stay home one random day of the week, but, sometimes I have back-to-back 6-day work weeks.

Besides that nothing is really going on.

I sleep, I work, I eat, and I maybe play a game before the cycle repeats.

Percolating as per usual.

The only interesting that has happened to me is that I dreamed of my ex last night despite not thinking about him at all that day. For one day, I get a reprieve from my borderline OCD thoughts about someone just for them to appear in my dreams.

To tl;dr the dream, we were dating again but I found messages between him and his current gf (ex gf in the dream) of him explaining to her that he still loved her but he somehow owed me and the only way to make good on it would be dating again.

I woke up feeling like it was the genuine experience, an ache in my chest and all.

I don’t think that we would ever date again realistically. I don’t hope for it, but I suppose I can’t say I don’t dream of it now.

I think the dream is more of a reflection of my own insecurities. I loved him so much I still think about him 4 years later, he would totally feel the same, right?

It’s normal to move on from past relationships, and it’s unhealthy to constantly cling to them. Someone in this equation has moved in the right direction and it’s surely not me.