3:01am in 日記

“Comparison is the thief of happiness,” is a quote I’ve been hearing all week. From people online, people in person, and even in movies or TV shows I watch.

I guess around this time of year it’s something many people need to hear. We often think back to last New Years, feeling guilty we didn’t accomplish our goals, satisfied we persevered or, well, just tried.

I had no goals last New Years. I was never someone who made New Year’s resolutions. I didn’t make one last year, the year before, and so forth. So, nothing will change this year.

I don’t look down on people that do. Many people need a goal or at least something to look forward to. The idea of striving for better, a clean slate with the New Year.

I never feel like the slate is clean. Everything is always left with smudges of the past left on it.

It’s all perspective at the end of the day.

My perspective is that we all try to show the world the better parts of our life. If we post online, or talk to friends, typically we default to the good or happier parts of our day or week to share.

We all want the people around us to believe our life is worth being envied or at least that it’s fulfilling.

In reality these photos and posts are just a blip in a larger timeline. A longer day, week, month, year. The photo resembles a happy segment of a boring day. Or a peaceful moment in a horrific week. Our lives are messy and difficult no matter how hard we try to hide it.

There is no point in envying the happy couple because there is a possibility their relationship is in shambles behind closed doors.

There is no point in envying the artist who lives off their work because this is simply a good month, and next month they will struggle to make ends meet.

There is no point in envying anyone because even if you bottled all the jealousy in the world you could never truly have what they have.

I just want to be free, to be me, and to be happy.

Happy New Years, folks.