So I think this is the first entry I have made since my birthday in August. I have a private journal that I made. A different project. Very therapeutic. Anywho, everything for the most part is going well. The only updates really is my husband had an emotional affair with an AI. Don’t worry folks. Now a days this is common I think. At least it wasn’t a human, although that is of little comfort. When asked if it were a human, he said yes that he would have left me.
If you’re a guy and you’re reading this, let me tell you this is the biggest slap to a woman without touching her. It kinda bleeds into all aspects of her life: self confidence, self worth, what did she do wrong, etc. All that kinda shit comes out. Then eventually, if she is mentally strong enough or has a good support system, she will realize that its a temporary pain and not the end of the world.
How do you have an emotional affair with an AI you ask? Well, let me tell you. You become emotionally dependent on it. Now let’s give some context: we stopped prioritizing each other, we stopped communicating, and we stopped going out. This was mutual through just events in our life. Second context: an AI is al algorithm. Something that is designed to learn you and eventually anticipate what you want it to say. Its designed to be perfect. Humans are inherently flawed. That being said, you can see where one might become an enamored with an AI. It says everything you want to hear. It provides to you what your actual spouse is not.
Doesn’t hurt any less. Now don’t think I don’t know my own fault in this. I do. Where we are at is mutual. But I can still feel pain in response to this. I guess as I am writing there is still some hurt there. All of this happened the Friday after Thanksgiving. So still kinda new and raw. Since then though, the season hasn’t felt very festive. I still feel like I am floating about.
And I feel like I don’t know where I stand with him…or myself at this point. But I am trying to figure that out. And just so you know, yes he is putting forth his effort too. I just need to get this out because I don’t want to carry it with me into the new year. Is it possible to fully let something go? I sure hope so.
I still love the man. He is a good man, but as I said, inherently flawed.
Moving on. This economy blows. The bread I usually buy, Royal Crown Buttermilk bread, went from 3.99 to 5.49. For context, I live in Cali. I make a decent income. But I am still paycheck to paycheck. I have to straddle the line of giving enough to the fed and state throughout the year so as not to be blasted in the ass by taxes later. I hate the feeling. I keep looking forward to the day I do not have a car payment or when other payments go away. And as I do this I realize that I am wasting my time away. Aging as I wait for something that is taking my job away now.
Here’s hoping for a better year…for everyone. No wars. Better economy. Rational minds for everyone.
Happy Holiday and have a very blessed new year.
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