They Should Have Hired Me in Daily Writing

  • Aug. 22, 2024, 1:15 p.m.
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I somehow knew it was going to go down like this. This is why I didn’t even want to bother applying for the job, so I wouldn’t be bitter when I didn’t get it. But here we are, with me getting reminders constantly that I’m the better candidate, and yet I’m not the one with the job. I hate that I’m right on this, but I’m reminded of it often enough that it makes me crazy.

Yes, it should have been me. I was the one with ideas. I was the one who had a direction. I was the one who had a freaking clue what I was doing, but I didn’t get the job because I lacked credentials. I didn’t have my degree yet, and wasn’t two steps away from a master’s degree, and that’s what put me back. I didn’t look as good on paper, even though I was far more qualified for the position, and now they’re stuck.

And I like the person who got the job very much, so it’s not that. Honestly, I hoped that she would thrive in the position and that I’d be wrong, but she keeps coming to me to get ideas because she’s not cut out for this. Yesterday with a heavy sigh I was straight up asked, “Do you just want my job?” I have to admit, my sassy response was, “I did but they didn’t want to hire me.” I felt a little bad because it was a little more “in your face” than I wanted it to be, but it’s the truth. Yes, I did want her job, and from the sounds of it, I’d be damned good at it too.

Part of it is she’s young and she doesn’t know what she’s doing. That’s something that can only change with time. She also seems to not have a clue what she wants to do with her life, which is fine. She’s really interested in how people learn, but she’s absolutely awful at turning that into a deliverable because she’s not sure what people are supposed to learn from the programs she wants to create, and she’s not even sure what programs she wants to create to begin with. As a result, she’s constnatly asking me for advice, opinions, and ideas. I’ll be honest, I’m kind of sick of fueling it all because I’m not getting anything out of it. I’m not getting paid for making her better at her job.

Some of it is also understanding. “We’ve all got to be listed as ‘specialist’ on our nametags because if we’re listed as ‘manager’ they have to pay us more.” No, that’s not quite it. There’s two resons why “specialist” is the preferred term, and neither of them have to do with pay grades. If it was about paygrade, they wouldn’t call them the “management team” and it wouldn’t be the “manager on duty.” Let’s use our brains here… The reason people are called “specialist” is because it’s a more friendly term than “manager” or “director,” which makes it more approachable. It’s basically a PR move. It’s also because it makes the job description a little bit more flexible. If you’re a specialist in that one area, it also means you can tie over to other areas. So if you’re the education specialist, then that’s your area of expertise, but if you’re acting manager on duty and a guest has an issue, they’re not going, “Yeah, but you’re the education director. Why are you the person helping me. This isn’t an education issue.” It also limits a good deal of “Why am I handling this? It’s not my job.” That has been an active issue, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that was part of the reasoning.

At the end of the day, she’s young, and I get it. She doesn’t know what she’s doing and she feels overwhelmed because she’s not cut out for this. She likes the idea of running the educational program, but in reality, she doesn’t have any idea of what she wants to do with it. It’s almost like she thought this would be so much fun and it would be so interesting, but in reality, it’s not as fun as she thinks it is because she’s got no actual ideas on what she’s doing and what she wants to do. It very much feels like it was the dream position for her because there’s so much she can do with it, but in reality, it’s not at all what she wants. Again, it goes back to the whole thing of her interest in how people learn, not so much in how to create a product from which they can work.

There’s a lot of bashing her head against the wall too. She’s complaining that the store manager won’t sell children’s toys in the shop. He says they don’t do well when he has them, not surprisingly because we don’t get a ton of kids. She complains that his markup is too high. If he charged less, these things will sell better. Okay, but he’s the one making the store a ton of money, and why should he sell stuff with a lower price margin and have to sell more of it, when the stock he’s got is doing incredibly well? This is not something that’s going to change, so I don’t understand why she’s hinging everything on getting him to do things differently. His focus isn’t on “how do we get kids engaged.” It’s on profits, and the things she’s suggesting they carry are no longer carried because they were tested as products and failed. They are just not profitable enough to take up space, and as cool as it would be to have them as a suppement to the education program, they’re clearly not worth it.

What it comes across as is a whole bunch of useless flailing, and she’s blaming her ADHD for everything. She brings up an idea to her supervisor. The supervisor’s immediate answer is no, but she comes back in a couple days having thought about it and has ideas. Well, by that point she’s completely moved on to the next thing, and claims she’s over it because her ADHD has her moving on to the next thing. Okay, but that’s not how the world works. It’s not you get what you want the moment you want it, or you just give up. She’s got to learn to flex, especially since she’s known for years what this manager is like. Getting bored and being over it isn’t how she gets things done, and that’s how a lot of the implementation for things she wants to do isn’t happening either. It’s a whole bunch of “you know what we could do” and not enough actual doing. Hell, she told me that she spends a majority of her time in her office just randomly researching things because there’s no one she likes to talk to down at admissions. When I was there yesterday rather than doing her job she wanted to hang out at admissions, and she said that was the big perk to being full time, she can do that whenever she likes. I mean, good for her, I guess, but how about she actually does her job? She’s not being paid to hang out and talk to all her work friends.

I honestly have to worry that the friendship we had isn’t going to survive this. She’s a sweet girl and all, but her awkward Christian homeschooler upbringing has taught her some things about the world that really just don’t work. She’s lacking any kind of work ethic and she’s more interested in her fancy coffees and gossip than she is in creating a functional program for the museum. I’ll be honest, a part of me is really upset because I would be the one head down in the office, trying to figure out how to functionally create programming and putting together ideas in a deliverable fashion. I wouldn’t be putting things together halfway. I would be getting them completed and put out for use, and if they weren’t going to work, I’d be looking at the next thing. I have a steady work ethic, and I believe in getting things done. I wouldn’t be spending my day in my friend’s offices, gossiping and giggling about all the things. I’d be one of those people no one would ever see because I’m actually doing my damned job. And, yes, I’m kinda judging her on this because this opportunity was taken away from me and given to someone that sighs and moans about the whole thing, doesn’t actually want to do the job, and seems to be realizing it’s not just all fun and games.

It also doesn’t help that I’m having issues of my own right now. I’m in need of some serious dental work that I just can’t afford, so I’m uncomfortable and it’s making me cranky. I’m struggling to find things I can actually eat. I’m losing weight. It’s just a whole big mess, and it really got bad the last couple weeks with all the stress, because my ex seems to think that yelling at me over everything, gaslighting, and blaming is the way to handle things. I seriously was told that all his money is going to go to a place for me and the kids and that’s why he has no money of his own, because I’m spending it all on things I want. Okay, cool story, bro… but I didn’t have to be here. The reason I can’t leave is because I’m not going to be the one putting my name on a shelter for his cats… but that’s another issue entirely. He doesn’t understand why I don’t want my name attached to that… but he didn’t want his name attached to it either. I just don’t know… but dealing with the gaslighting, accusations, and all that screaming? It’s giving me very little patience when it comes to dealing with this whole situation of someone who has the job I wanted, and seems to think of it as gossip hour and leaning on me to solve all her problems when I’m getting none of the credit and none of the pay for doing the work.


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