Good morning, world! Todays word (s) will be: SUCK IT UP
I just went back and reread my Mexico entries from last November. The ones where I was writing about how my one friend, Anni, kept getting so fucked up and mean and nasty with me. I just wanted to make sure I am remembering things correctly. Sadly, those feelings crept back in. She was as mean as I’ve been thinking. Maybe worse.
Yesterday early evening, Anni sent me a text about coming to visit me when my Nashville girls come for Halloween weekend. She was probably looking at her calendar and at flights and such and sent me a text asking about the days. I shuddered when I saw that text come in.
But as soon as she sent it, I got another message from Head Cat and some other work things were happening, so I had to take care of business and by the time I had done all of that, it was nearly 8pm and I still needed to walk the dog and get ready for today and my head was NOT in the right place to get into it with her.
So I ignored the text.
Today I’m going to have to SUCK IT UP and have that talk. Clearly it’s bothering me a lot if I’m choosing to spend my whole entry this morning writing about it. But it has to be done.
Why am I afraid to talk to her and tell her that her actions cause me distress? I suppose I’m risking something that has taken me years upon years to establish and I don’t want to mess it up. I have a small circle of precious people in my life and she’s one of them.
Maybe I start with that.
Wish me luck.
GS
Quick update: I messaged Lis and Wen and told them I was having a talk with Anni. I felt justified in this text response from Lis after I asked them why I was nervous to have this chat:
“I understand why you are nervous. As you always do, speak from love. If she receives it productively, then she received it with love. I still think her behavior comes from a place of pain. She is always searching for wellness and healing but when she’s with us, her behavior is extremely unhealthy. And it’s like she can’t wait to get to that destructive behavior. Wen and I already said we are going to emphasize this is a fun chill weekend. We’ve got your back, [Ginger]! Keep that in mind when you talk to her. She’s going to deny being mean to you. Keep telling yourself that you didn’t imagine this or make it up. You have witnesses!! “
Anni and I are scheduling time to talk tomorrow evening. I have some time to practice what I’m going to say!
As always, thank YOU for your supportive notes as well! xo
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