June 29: How It's Going. in These Foolish Things

Day 6 of my 15-day adventure in eldersitting is coming to a close. It’s been an experience, that’s for sure. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to sum it all up when these 15 days are over.

I’m in the guest bedroom again, already in bed at 9pm, and I’m fine with that. I have plans to go flea marketing in the early morning hours tomorrow before my mom and dad even wake up (they get up around 10am as of late).

I will say it’s been an odd experience - both frustrating and heartbreaking on the one hand and filled with memories that I am holding tightly on the other. They are both going through the dramatic downslide of life - especially my mom. Well, and my dad too, but let’s talk about my mom a little…

[Sidenote - it’s now early, early morning of Day 7 - Sunday. I fell asleep while writing this entry and we’ve all been rudely awakened in the middle of the night due to the fireworks situation in this lakeside community. Fireworks are perfectly legal here in hick country, and people seem to think that the hours between 9:30 pm and 5:00ish am are decent firework timeframes. It has been constant throughout the night. My dog has gone INSANE, and yes, I brought some CBD for both of the dogs. I just didn’t think the fireworks would start just yet so didn’t think to give her any early last night - you can’t wait until the actual event because by then it’s too late! Martini found her way into mom and dad’s room and was just barking at the top of her lungs at the cat! Oh the drama]

So back to mom. She’s sliding quickly. Both mentally and physically.

From a mental standpoint, I will say she’s not always with us. She struggles to find words and when she does, she struggles to get them out of her mouth. She doesn’t always understand what is being said. She’s in her own world now.

The good news on that front is that she seems to be very content and happy to be in this state. She’s not angry, nor is she very frustrated (at least she doesn’t seem to be). She no longer has a mean bone in her body. She takes everything in stride - or maybe it’s that she’s conceded to the fact that we are getting closer to the end.

From a physical standpoint, mom is not in a good place at all. Remember she had that pulmonary embolism almost exactly a year ago? Well, that seemed to have kicked off a string of things that are getting to her slowly but surely. I took her to three doctor appointments last week and each one was worse than the next (urologist, glaucoma/eye doc - she is now blind in one eye, internist). It was her primary doc who did bloodwork and it was discovered, not surprisingly, that her numbers are all over the place and mostly shockingly/wildly out of normal range.

The doc called yesterday (on a Saturday) and talked with my dad. My mother is officially no longer able to be in charge of her own medications - in other words, we need HELP. I use the word “officially” because they came straight from the doctor’s mouth and he documented it. This means that the ball can start rolling.

Dad is starting the insurance paperwork first thing Monday morning for home health support (thankfully!!), and I’m helping out with that.

Meanwhile, the lady still has to live with some dignity. We are trying to make it fun while I’m here. I’ve been trying to get both mom and dad up and exercising a little bit. I found videos on YouTube that are specifically aimed at the elderly. They include simple indoor walking (which dad has done with me, but mom refuses) to stretching exercises you can do while sitting (which dad did with me and mom moved her arms up and down…twice…before calling it). It is hard to get them to do this even though they both know it can help. Dad is receptive but it wears him out quickly. Mom has zero fucks left in her. Did you know you can actually run out of fucks?!

But she sure wanted to go shopping with me! That has been the BIG Mother/Daughter excursion of my visit, and I’m grateful I got the chance to do this, because it could possibly have been our last shopping trip together. It was a struggle and it was exhausting for both of us.

She has gained so much weight in the last year because she is sedentary and can’t walk without a walker now. So she needed summer clothes that fit. But it was a whole EVENT just to get her into the car so we could drive to a Cato store that’s exactly one mile away. I may at some point write a whole entry about the gyrations we have to do to just get her into the car. And she’s now almost too big to FIT in the car!

The shopping was wild because I was really afraid that Cato (I never go to these stores so I don’t know) wouldn’t have anything she could wear. These are small stores that I think are put in a little more rural locations and my mom is particularly hard to shop for. But lo and behold, we actually were able to go to their plus size section and find her some cute summer clothes. Thing was, she didn’t believe she was the size that she actually was, so it took some trying on to convince her that yes, she’s actually now a size 26/28! Y’all. This is so big and so unhealthy for such a petite-boned woman. She’s 5‘3” and small-framed. She can’t carry this weight! It’s going to suffocate her.

We got the handicapped dressing room. Though she gives zero fucks, mom seemed to be embarrassed by that, but I’m not sure why - she knows the walker will only allow that and she uses handicapped stalls in public restrooms. It was all I could do to hold the walker for her to stand up and sit down on the dressing room bench, get her shoes off and on, help her pull her pants down and pull pants up, get her arms through sleeves. Have you ever dressed a GIGANTIC baby?! I was so afraid she was going to fall at one point or another, and just standing up and sitting down several times left her breathless.

The very, very good news is that we had a successful trip and we were able to put four darling outfits together for her that she was really proud of (and I was too…for all the limitations we had, it was a GREAT experience)! We were both so excited to go home and show my dad what we got for her!

My dad is another story for another entry. My heart just melts for the guy. I need more time.

It’s heartwrenching, but I’m so glad I’m here to help with this right now. And I can keep helping as I’m able, but I know we have a tough road ahead.

[Athena] texted me such a great question the other evening: What’s harder - going through chemo or babysitting your parents? That one hit me in a big way and I want to expound on it in another entry.

Thing is - we CAN do hard things. We do them every day. It sucks that I’m in this right now, but I am also grateful for this experience because I’m learning in every moment.

My big lessons so far: