Unstable and violent. in 1st

I want to re-do yesterday. It’s obviously impossible but even the entry was way off cause I was so ticked. It’s not any better today but well lets start closer to the beginning of yesterday.
I had picked Alicen up and she had forgotten her care credit card. “I didn’t know mom put more money on it” was the reason she gave for not getting it. I explained it was a bill she paid each month and more money was available as long as she’s paying it. We lost 30 mins and I explained to her that lunch was now a hope not a for sure because I set some time aside for that before her appointment. However with taking the extra half hour because she forgot something we NEEDED she would be the only one who suffered on that because I would leave her at the dentist and got get something to eat for myself. We talked about her new place (which she hadn’t told anyone about) and I discovered that from Thursday to Monday she had spent $100 in groceries. I seriously don’t know why other than gluten free crap because she can’t eat what they eat… that is sooo not true if I didn’t already tell you that. She thinks she has celiacs disease because she read is somewhere.... sigh… she doesn’t. I responded with how that was unfair because I was going to cover all that she doesn’t have for her 465 buck deposit and now she has 100 less than she did only days ago. I was very upset and told her “I honestly feel like punching you in the chest. I am very angry with you and I suggest you not push me today. I am unstable, I am very stressed and I really can’t deal with your stuff right now.” She had to call the new place to talk about a move in date and they said she needed a couple more papers. Mom was able to get one and had directed me to the Social Security Office for the other. This ment an added hour to my day with Alicen and my auto response was NO. I could not be in the car with her any longer than I needed to be.
While Alicen was at the dentist was when mom had called about the Social Security Office and I unloaded on her. My student loans have gone unpaid 3 months now because of the extra cost of getting Alicen once and twice a week. It’s a financial drain it’s stressful and she’s so ungrateful. I told her so too. All the times I have gone to get her in the last 5 months she has not once said Thank you. NOT ONCE. Even when I took her to see her son last Thursday.

Day goes on and I’m taking her back to where she is staying…she starts whinning about how she’s not a good mom and crying and “when do I get Joshua back” and “I’m trying” and how mom got him taken away and.... and… I couldn’t take it. I told her “Shut up with that shit. It’s the same every time. You choose not to do things and I’m not listening to it today. I’m barely holding my own shit together I’m not dealing with yours. You know mom has court in the morning and you don’t even care. I can’t handle your shit right now” She kept on so I turned up the radio.... she kept on so I turned it up again… and then one more time… she leaned down trying to figure out how to turn it down because honestly it was now at a rather uncomfortable level and she reached out. I smacked her had and screamed “MY CAR, MY RADIO DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT” she said “Are you trying to blow out my other ear drum?” (note she’s deaf in her left ear) I said “cover it” and went .... she then tried to turn the radio down again and I back handed her forehead. ....

I feel like I gave her well enough warning and she asked for it. Still it was rather unlike me. … and then there is today (next entry as this one has gotten long)