#402- Missing someone who is bad for you in Magician Card

One of my friends is very obsessed with a girl. Or a woman I guess you could say. I told him not to act desperate because he can get ahead of himself sometimes. To give her some space, and wait until she texts back. I mean if she’s truly interested in him, then she would text back wouldn’t she?

I have good friends, but sometimes they drive me crazy. He called me today and I didn’t feel like answering. He asks me how I am doing, but of course I know it will lead down to this conversation over this woman he likes. I don’t mind, it’s just I’ve been giving him advice all week. I need a break for a little bit.

If you hear something over and over it can become irritating.

Speaking of friends, I was dreaming of my old friend last night. That we had some sort of reunion of sorts. I got to apologize and they apologized to me, and we made up. There were tears and I was super happy. And then I woke up and I was kind of relieved. While I miss them sometimes, think of them…it doesn’t mean they are good for me. They are not the good person like I think they are.

They aren’t good for me so it’s best to stay away. I had a dream I had lived their life for that moment as well. Because deep down I’m always curious about what they are up to or what their life has been like so far. What it would be like to be in their place. I do not understand why I am so curious or why I am obsessed like that.

But I dreamt we switches places for a day. Maybe that’s what I wanted. But when I switched places I realized their life wasn’t perfect. The things I saw on social media from them were just images of them through rose-colored glasses. When in reality everyone has their own things they deal with. Everyone gets dealt their own rough patches by life.

Though it was a weird dream because their mother knew I was not their daughter. That I had switched places in the dream. And she said something like that to me. Maybe it’s a reminder to myself that the grass always looks greener on the other side.

I wish it were easier to let them go, knowing they’re no good for me. And yet I’m attracted to their chaotic life sometimes. Or maybe I miss them. Who knows.

Today it’s also cloudy and rainy. The ground is soaked. I wanted to garden so maybe it would take my mind off of things. But I’m stuck inside and feel a little bit tired today. Maybe gloomy.

A good indoor exercise session might perk me up. Hopefully. Other than that I’ve just been reading, studying, and editing some things I’m working on.
Also been reading Romeo and Juliet. Which is strange, because I hated it when I was in school, but now I’m curious about the classics so I put effort into reading them. Funny how I can enjoy something I used to hate. Or hate something I used to enjoy.

People change I guess. Including myself.