I Can't Beleive I Let Myself Break Down... in Just Moments

~So I have a problem. Actually its a pretty big problem. So G and I have been dating for a few months. Early on I just knew that G would be someone that I would be willing to spend the rest of my life with. Now I still think this, and don’t want to confuse anyone so just know that I still want to be with him… So here is my problem, G has this problem with flirting through text messages with other girls. I first noticed the situation about a month into our relationship and I asked him to stop. He said he did and I didn’t think any of it because things were good between us and life was going well. Last weekend I found a couple of conversations on his phone that we from 2 weeks previous. I was crushed. Absolutely crushed. When I asked him about them, all he said was that talk is cheap. He promised that he never cheated on me and wouldn’t. He said that I’m too special to him. But I was hurt. I still am hurt. I’ve checked his phone since and he has deleted the text threads from his phone from both people. So I don’t know if that means he’s trying to change to show me that he’s willing to give that up, or if he’s now just deleting the messages after they happen. I have no idea. And it kills me that I can’t trust him. Ever time I’m in his presence and he gets a text my heart just sinks. Even if he’s texting his mom my heart still gets crushed. That’s how much I don’t trust him. Now you may ask, “Why don’t I just leave?” That’s an excellent question. I have a lot of time money and emotion invested into this relationship. If I walk away, I’ll be walking away from some of my closest friends, I’ll be walking away from my accustomed lifestyle of the last 4 months, and I’ve let G take my heart and I’m not sure he’ll give it back to me. So I don’t know what to do. I’ve been having some medical issues lately and I honestly think that they are being caused by this situation. I often feel sick to my stomach when I think about this. And I’m not sure what to about it. I don’t just want to throw away the last 4 months. I don’t regret anything but I am really hurt. So I’m just so torn. And the only advice I’ve gotten about this is to take each day one day at a time and I’m trying, but I’m such a planner and I just fail. But I’m trying. So yay. I’ve also cried enough that you would think I would have found an answer through all the tears but unfortunately crying helps make me feel better, but it doesn’t show me the answer or the correct path of action to take.

~So that’s been my life this past week. A lot of pain, a lot of heart break. A lot of confusions and not knowing where I’m going or what I’m doing. So thanks for reading and thanks for comments. Help me be strong enough to get through this, because right now I need the extra strength to hold on…