Like the deserts missed the rain in The OpenDiary (OD) Days!

Revised: 10/12/2014 4:13 p.m.

Oct. 18, 2005, 9 a.m.
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Like the deserts missed the rain - 10/19/2005

I don’t really feel like writing an entry but am forcing myself too I guess.

I talked to my friend Kristy on msn last night. Couldn’t believe it when I saw her online cos I haven’t spoken to her in God knows how long. She apparently caught up on all my entries so I dunno if that’s a good or a bad thing lol. She seems to be doing well.

I went out to the Coffee Club with Aaron last night. He got a tattoo. Haha I knew he would. It’s pretty cool and is a Garbage symbol, which means a lot to him. Good on him I say. He’s still in a bit of pain, but he didn’t really show it last night. I told him my situation with Luke, and there wasn’t really a reaction, but I was trying to tell if there was. I thought i saw a hint of ‘better-back-off-a-bit’ in his eyes. I’ll soon find out I guess. That wasn’t my intention. I just had to tell him.

Mark wants to come over here again one night this week. God I hope I don’t do something stupid like I did last time, as fun as it was at the time. Oh well. Who cares really. I just figure if I’m gunna have a normal friendship with the guy I’ll have to NOT have sex with him, cos that’s not a friendship, that’s fuck-buddies. And..umm no. No way.

I guess the only other thing that’s been going on lately is the confused mess in my mind. After hanging out with Lindsay on Monday night, and talking to him all about my situation and how Luke doesn’t wanna talk to me, I guess I’ve gone all emotional. I keep thinking about him, and how wonderful it would be to have him back. It’s weird, but like I said to Lindsay, he was the perfect boyfriend. And whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I think it’s also the fact that the more time he spends not talking to me, the more he’ll get over me and move on. When maybe I really do want him. "It’s not about what others want, it’s about what you want". I just don’t understand, I don’t wanna get back into a rut after a few months of a relationship again - I wanna experience the same love every day as you do when you first realise you’re in love with someone. That is the best feeling ever, and it’s stupid how it seems to wear off. Like sooo many of my friends are children of divorced parents. It’s unreal. I look at a lot of older couples and see them fighting, and examples like Frank and marie from Everybody Loves Raymond, or Al and Peg from Married With Children - at least in that one Peg makes an effort. Lukey will always have a place in my heart, and I know he’s only doing this to make our friendship stranger in the long run. But not being able to talk to someone who means so much to me really is difficult. It’s been 4 days now without a peep of communication. I hope he’s doing okay. I drive past his work on the way to work, always looking to see if his car is in the carpark. Usually it is, he does work a lot. And yeh, I miss him. I miss a lot of things about him. Hopefully we’ll talk again sometime soon. I’ve gone to msg him a few times, and then thought, ‘no i can’t, it wouldn’t be right. It’s against what he wants right now’. But Lindsay reckons he’s the one who’s decided to do this, not me, and I should message him as much as I like. Dammit I hate when he’s logical :)

Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------

Get tired of coloring the words? :) A tattoo? Ouchies. I could never get one, just because of the pain, I think. [SilverScorp83] 10/19/2005 10:29:02 AM

get a tattoo of Luke’s name, then show him. That’ll get him back!
;) [J HENRY] 10/19/2005 10:32:59 AM

A tattoo, eh? Well, as long as it’s in the right place, =). I guess if I ever got one it’d be a blue dove, or a bluebird, or something. And probably on a bicep. Of course for that I’d need a bicep, but I guess there’s still time to get the right amount of tone etc.

RYN: Of course it was you! =) And yeah, first productive day in months… Of course I’d come to Australia, I just need [Nesstwy.] 10/19/2005 11:07:41 AM

you know, the cash. Though if I did, I’d probably never leave you alone. You’d refer to me as ‘that git Nickel’ in your entries from them–I just like you so darned much I’d follow you everywhere trying to get you to be my best mate.

Well anyhow, =P. Take care, cutie. [Nesstwy.] 10/19/2005 11:09:45 AM

Hugs [The Cherry] [p] 10/19/2005 11:39:14 AM

Unfortunately for me, I’m in one of those marriages that are horrid, but it was from the get go, however, I also know personally, not just on tv, of happily married couples, more in love today than they were 20 or 30 years before…I pray i get that one day, for now, i’m counting the days when my kids are older…you’ll find it too, you’re a sweetheart..take care..db [neotherwoman] 10/19/2005 12:05:18 PM

RYN: He’s a good friend of mine, and I value them a lot. I can deal with Rafi. :) [Sex Hound] 10/19/2005 1:08:31 PM

Thanks for your note. I know that everyone is different and his background is completely different from my own. I’m just going to wallow in the mud on this one and not worry about it. I would run myself ragged “trying to catch them in the act” and it’ll come out sooner or later. I do trust him…I just have to remember that. Thanks again, bud. Good luck at Mark’s…=) Tuwanda!!! [yellow_bull] 10/19/2005 1:14:41 PM

Nice colourbit at the top. Tattoos are nice..Lol. I would never get one though haha

Also I wanted to leave a note on the nexy entry but it wont let me....Those songs are the best. =D [Akourah Lilly] 10/19/2005 2:15:37 PM

you know you don’t feel like writing an entry when you actually take the trouble to change the color of every word!!!!! [LegallyGay80] 10/19/2005 2:16:21 PM

Hope everything gets better. Good luck with the Luke situation…man, that has to be hard. But if there is a person I know that could pull through it, it’s you. [C-Dub85] 10/19/2005 3:40:04 PM

my msn: calteaempo@hotmail.com
i can’t believe you posted all those song lyrics. shania twain and enrique? you’re SOOOOO gay it screams.
(i listen to them too. but only when i’m depressed. and celine dion.)
read Aretesius

[Prince Zidane] [p] 10/19/2005 4:18:27 PM

Yeah, I reckon you’ll be pretty happy in the future. You’re only young. If it is meant to work out with someone else it will happen.

[The_Blind_Archer] 10/19/2005 11:42:34 PM

RYN: Thats weird lol bout the lyrics. I couldn’t leave a note on that entry though. I borrowed my aunts car and she had the cd in there so I had to steal it to burn, we have it playin at work too and im always like, “i need to play this song to any potential bfs!” lol [SinderellaX] 10/20/2005 12:51:01 AM

Keep your chin up Matt…things have a strange way of working out the way they are supposed to. Time will tell they say and it will make you stronger. Just let things happen the way they need to. Love Ya! Don’t worry things will get better.

Huggs!!!

[GardenBoi] 10/21/2005 9:18:55 PM

Last updated October 12, 2014

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