RAD: John Candy in These Foolish Things

Happy Wednesday! Sitting in a coffee shop tryna get shit done before my big process meeting with my boss and….he’s got Covid! So he canceled and I now have a sec to write about last night’s date.

Name: John Candy

Introduction Platform: Bumble

Age: 55, but I never believe these ages at this point. I guess he could be and probably is 55 based on the age of his two sons. So…

Relationship Status: Divorced I don’t know how long - doesn’t really matter. Has two sons, both in their mid-20s

Job: Semi-retired finance guy. His profile said “CFO”, but that’s not really the case.

Lives: In the hills. Probably a really nice-ish house, but probably needing some “touches” and I’ll tell you why in a sec.

Length of Date: An hour and a half

We Did: Met at a seafood place. Had a drink (me: virgin bloody mary; him: some kind of fruity, girly cocktail) and some appetizers that were my dinner…and they were delicious. I hadn’t eaten anything all day, so I was happy to eat.

He Looked: Dressed nicely with blue checked dress shirt, casual pants, super nice suede loafers, gorgeous watch, cool glasses…I was impressed by his packaging. Though, he said he was 6’4” and there’s no way in hell. He was maybe 6’. Maaaaaybe 6’1”.

I Looked: Leather pants, snakeskin boots, off the shoulder flowy black top. I recently got a good haircut (finally!), and fresh, very conservative botox that hasn’t kicked in yet but made me feel good about myself. I thought I looked really pretty/sexy for this date. It’s been a while since I’ve had a date after all.

Convo: This is where the struggle happened. And this is where John Candy came out - and not in the charmingly funny way, either. He was really nervous. Like, really nervous. And he had this incredibly LOUD nervous laugh that reminded me so much of John Candy. Can you just hear that laugh?! It was thundering throughout the restaurant. And it happened over and over and over again - that nervous laughter. He told me a bunch of things that I would never have confessed on a first date if I were him. Like, ALL of the things that he was wearing were picked out by a stylist (because he’s a hopeless dork who doesn’t know how to dress)…but not just any stylist, mind you. He then confessed that he’s cheap (yes, used those exact words) and didn’t want to pay for a fancy stylist, but found a lady on Facebook who was a friend of a friend. Truth be told, she did a fantastic job because everything he was wearing was spot on and perfect for him, but the way he presented himself verbally was so different than a stylish guy. He even told me that his house was actually a disaster and though his stylist friend even came in to help him with the house, that he has a long way to go. I mean, I give the guy credit for trying and actually clearly heeding her advice, but why spoil the whole thing by saying you’re clueless about all of this stuff. I realize that all of that sounds like I’m nit-picking, but there was something about his verbal presentation that bugged. The chemistry was not there at all. And the more we talked, the more he dug himself into a hole that he could not recover from. And don’t get me wrong, I LOVE John Candy. I think he’s a legend. But to meet someone who plays one of his dorky characters in real life isn’t quite the guy for me.

High Point: The seafood. And his blue checked shirt.

Low Point: The awkward convo.

How It Ended: He walked me to my car, which was super nice of him.

Chances Are: He sent a text when he got home, saying he made it home safely and that he enjoyed meeting me and hopes we can see each other again. But. It’s a no for me.

Date Rating: Meh.

GS