James left Friday morning to go on his fishing trip… Friday I was a frantic anxious mess who forgot to eat, and seemed to stumble around mindlessly. I went for dinner with Kat in which I ate about half of because my stomach was so upset from anxiety. Even Tammy came over and watched Sailor Moon, the girls drank and chatted but I couldn’t even bring myself to have anything. That night I went to bed around two and tossed and turned all night because after sleeping beside someone for 10 years having them not there is just unfathomable. My parents had Dante in hopes of giving me a break which in the end just caused me more issues not having him around.
I felt like shit on Saturday, I needed espresso coffee which I got… I mulled around with Kat for a bit. I tried to nap but couldn’t even do that. I waited by the phone for my mom to call to tell me I could pick up my son, I was happy that at least he was having fun. Things felt better once I had him home again, we were able to take an hour long afternoon nap, we walked with Tammy for a bit and then headed back up to my parents place. James called on his cell, it was quick but after saying goodbye Dante was mad that he had missed daddy (even though he was busy in his room playing and what I figured “content.”) It was a battle waiting for James to get the message to call back so Dante could talk to him… even after that he wanted to wait until daddy was home to go to sleep. Let’s just say it was around midnight when Dante finally fell asleep after failing to snuggle in my bed and sleep there, he ended up in his own room and passed out around 10 minutes later.
I was hoping to sleep until at least 9am… nope. Dante was in my room at 8:20 and has now been melting down in tears over the smallest of things.
I suck at being alone. I rely on my husband for everything. Even just having his presence around is enough. I feel better today but I’m over tired from barely sleeping, my nerves are shot, and I feel like the walking dead.
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