uhhhgh in Songs

I spent all weekend in bed having sex. Seriously only getting out twice in order to get food and then the second time to leave and go home. With this in spirit I was totally all kinds of chipper on Monday.
Today, though, my vagina hurts a lot and I forgot to take a cranberry supplement. I don't know/think it was the sex though, I think it was the roughness of the gynocologist yesterday :/ Or maybe I just have vagina disease and would be better off in a convent.

I dunno, I want to cry. I wanted to message Sam the person I spent all weekend in bed with but I feel like a big douchey annoyance. That is so stupid and lame! I don't know, man, I mean, am I looking for reassurance? attention? whaaaaat am I looking for?

Probably attention. Man, I wish I weren't in the library right now I'd be all types of crying everywhere.

wooo though.
Chill out time. It is time, guys, to chill out.

There are so many people in the library.

and I think all of them are actually doing school work. Last night Pr. Jim threw a tantrum in front of me it was kind of cute but also way confusing. Yesterday it felt like God was following me around all day and it was around then that things faltered.

Over the weekend in Sam's bed my PTSD came up. I kind of fucking hate that I do and don't I always feel like I've come a long way and can handle a lot of stuff but that kind of cocky attitude just poses me to fall on my face as I am reminded of all the ways I still need to improve. Of all the things that have been lurking in the corners, dragging down my days, my brain, my potential. Why I'm sleepy all the time, why I feel the need absolute Need to Leave Right Now. There is power in the subtleties, probably to a quantum degree. Remembering this is absolutely heartbreaking.

I guess it was good that we talked about it. I do think I am stronger now and can handle that kind of thing a little better. It still produces a lot of anxiety though.

Hoping I'm coping correctly.