Phone Sex in Pies, Puns and Filthy Thoughts

  • Oct. 3, 2014, 6:49 p.m.
  • |
  • Public

A few times I’ve been cajoled into indulging in Phone Sex, (I’m easily led).

At first I couldn’t get the words out. Shyness, a feeling of shame, how sad my sex life had become and how sordid it was to be talking rude on the phone while masturbating.

These feelings didn’t last long though. Maybe it was a reaction to the shame I felt but I suddenly found it funny and the only thing that came out of me was fits of laughter.

The lesson I learnt was, trying to describe what you’re going to do with a can of squirty cream or a carton of peach yoghurt, while laughing uncontrollably soon gets you cut off, though I did make one woman wet herself laughing too.

Nowadays my phone sex technique has improved, I can quite easily tell 5-10 telesales callers a day to Go Fuck Themselves without laughing.

When you’re horny and all alone
Give me a call on the telephone
You’ll be my hussy
Stroking your p***y
I’ll be your dog, mauling it’s bone


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