Stop in 2014

I feel like my body has decided I need to just stop for a few days. Stop playing roller derby, stop spending hours of the day in a car, stop feeling overwhelmed with the amount of things there is to do. Just stop, and sleep, and rest, and be quiet. It has communicated this to me by catching the standard Autumn plague which is currently making me feel like I can’t stand up or move or stay awake. It’s scrim tonight and I really want to go but I think I just need a rest. I feel like I never stop. I just need a little break from it all.

I played my first public bout on Sunday with our B team. We’ve been working up to it for ages and it was actually going really well until one of our best blockers (probably our no. 1 best blocker actually) fell and broke her leg :( Poor thing. She was on the track for an hour waiting for an ambulance, then they finally moved her and her Mum took her to hospital because the first responder got a call to say they couldn’t send us an ambulance. She was in agony bless her. We managed to get her in the back of the car and she went off to the hospital though. No surgery needed, thankfully. We finished the half and had a good lead but only played 4 minutes of the second half before a girl from the opposition fell and hurt herself too. We called the game off in the end. We’d lost so much time and she was still waiting for an ambulance as well. It was weird. Such a strange anticlimax after pushing for this for so long, and then we were doing so well but we didn’t get the victory really, even though we won, it didn’t feel like it. It finished 156 - 34 to us, I wish we could’ve had a happier game where we could’ve celebrated though.

I haven’t been back to training since. I was too exhausted and coming down with this cold on Monday and I can’t go tonight. I feel bad because they can get very uppity if you miss sessions but I feel so ill and tired and wobbly, scrim is not the thing to help with that. I have a bootcamp thing on Saturday so I will go then, and maybe on Friday night to the Fresh Meat session. Still, I will be sad to miss scrim.

I don’t know where I am going with this. I am supposed to be working from home today but my head is mangled. I feel constantly overwhelmed, like I don’t know what I should be doing next.

I’m just so tired :(