I love Pies, I love Women, I think I’m funny and witty but that’s a matter of opinion.
I started writing elsewhere a couple of weeks ago and I’ve enjoyed it. No earth shattering literary genius as you’ve probably guessed from the title. I like to think It’s amusing and brings a smile to the face, others may think it’s juvenile and immature. I saw this site mentioned so thought I’d join and spread the joy/misery/buffoonery.
To begin with I shall probably be copying stuff I have already written, though there may be something original.
Here are a couple of samples of my ramblings to give you an idea of what is to come.
I love pies, I love women. Real women that is. Women who bear the marks of life, wrinkles, stretch marks, lumps and bumps or a few extra pounds. None of this modern day plastic stick insect look.
Pies and Women have a lot in common. Some are deep and filling, some are shallow and tasteless, you can get sweet ones, savoury ones, spicy ones or sour ones. Some can be hard and crusty, others soft and succulent. They come in different shapes and sizes and are guaranteed to satisfy a man.
While shaving this morning I looked in the mirror and thought, hmm, my cheeks are looking a bit chubby, which is a bit strange as I wasn’t shaving my face at the time.
If you tend to be on the vain side, or like to be up to date with the latest skeleton look this might bother you, but not me.
I look at it this way, If I’m going to offer a lady a seat, it might as well be a comfortable one, especially if she’s going to be sitting there a while.
Talking of comfort, I came across this saying on my internet travels
“If sex is a pain in the ass, you’re doing it wrong”
Sounds reasonable, and is probably useful advice for anybody who does suffer the said painful posterior after indulging.
After thinking about I thought, surely there’s more to it than that, and a bit more advice would be helpful and so I came up with my very own amended version.
If sex is a pain in the ass, you’re either doing it wrong or any/all of the following may apply
A) Your partner needs to improve his aim
B) Your partner is a scrooge and needs to buy lubricant
C) You need to be more careful where you sit when straddling
D) Try and be more careful with your toy when in the throes of passion
E) Place a No Entry sticker on each arse cheek
That’s all for now and after reading this, things can only get better.
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