Hana wa né ni kaeru in Book One: The Not So Daily Briefs 2014

  • Sept. 21, 2014, 12:49 p.m.
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Writing is helpful to deal with things and I need to keep at it. As with most of life, though, in order to keep writing – I feel I need a “project” or something that keeps me actively involved. With that in mind, I have an idea for a new project to keep me writing so, I’ll write “more frequently” and have two different aspects. Item 1- brief summaries and complaints from my everyday life. Item 2- Project. That will go into effect starting the next entry. For this entry, I’ll just focus on a summary.

Lately, things have been interesting in family dynamics. My wife’s job (which she despises) has been screwing her on hours. Like… really… she’s getting 29 hours (under full time) and this means she has about 3 days off a week. This would be super stressful if not for the fact that I’ve been lucky enough to be getting LOTS of hours at work… I’m up to 42 hours. So – while the wife has been getting 3 or more days off a week; I’m lucky if I get 2 full days off.
This has illustrated some… interesting and disturbing things. Originally, I thought that a lot of our issues were… different than they now seem to be. I’ll try and discuss myself honestly- I can be downright irritating and attention-seeking. I can talk about those things that I am passionate about past the point of anyone else being willing to listen. I can be, let’s face it, kind of obtuse about things. Unfortunately, a lot of those truths have always been true- and I make those confessions to allow readers to know that I am not blind enough to think I’ve no relationship-damaging issues. That being said, the things I do bring to a relationship are positive.

I fully believe that a committed relationship involves give and take, doing for the other and support. A relationship isn’t always going to be 50/50. There are times when one person may have to take on more… and I admit and accept that. The reason I’m “complaining” is that… when I’m working 42 hours and my wife is working 29 hours… I kind of expect to not have to do everything at home (as she is there far more often than I). But it has been the opposite. My wife will actually WAIT for me to come home from work, then tell me “I’m hungry” and wait for me to make dinner. So… she won’t eat until I make food for both of us even though she’s been home all day and I’ve been at work all day. THEN…

Friday afternoon, she accidentally spilled all of the salsa for dinner and I ran to get her a towel to clean it up. When I arrived, she just looked at me and said “clean it up!” I was fuming. I stared at her, waiting to see if she realized what had just happened. When it was clear she didn’t; I spoke up and said “I’m not your maid, I’m not your butler. A “please” is expected at the very least!” Saturday- she spent the afternoon criticizing me on that I hadn’t worked out this week… she won’t get physical with me because she feels fat, and then takes time to criticize me for not working out while I’m working 42 hours a week? Then, in beautiful her fashion… last night as I’m going to bed she looks at me and says “You know what you need to do tomorrow? You need to do the laundry.” In most respects- I wouldn’t mind, it is laundry… that happens. But I asked her, thinking reasonably, what time she worked…. I mean, if she wants laundry done and is outright telling me to do it… clearly she is working….. right? NOPE. She had today off (as well, making it 3 days in a row). Okay… I figured, maybe she just told me to do laundry as a “if you wake up first” kind of thing. Nooooooooope. So far I’ve been up (and doing stuff) for about 2 hours… she’s been up and doing stuff for 4. She’s played games on her cell phone and watched BBC; I’ve cooked lunch, re-upped a Rx, and returned phone calls. And yet… still… “When are you going to start laundry?”

Honestly… we’ve gone from “friends who live together” to “roommates” to “servant-master.” Considering my job + studying for the bar + looking for a full time legal job… also considering how NO family counselor will return my calls…. I have to “just put up with this crap” while simultaneously working out a way to simply navigate everything.

Emm September 21, 2014


Fawkes Gal September 22, 2014

That is entirely selfish and unfair. Have you ever confronted her with this? "Why do you expect me to cook dinner and do chores for you when you've been home all day and I've worked X hours?"

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