I've Never Felt So Hopeless... in Just Moments

~Wow I can’t believe that summer is just about over. Summer is by far my favorite time of the year. I live in Wisconsin so summer is the only time when its actually warm enough to do things outside to do things. We have tons of outdoor concerts, festivals, and fairs. But now that summer is gone… so are all the fun activities. I realize that the temperature makes it difficult to have events outdoors but just because its September doesn’t mean that its too cold to do anything!! Around these parts, we have a solid 4ish or more months of winter. By the time it even gets above 30 degrees outside everyone is ready to leave their houses and explore the world they have been closed off to. But what I don’t understand is why when it is still nice outside people refuse to enjoy the weather. I mean sure here I am sitting in doors even though its in the high 70s outside, though it has rained most of the day. Sometimes I just don’t know what is wrong with my generation. Seems like we are way more comfortable sitting indoors on a computer or in front of the TV mindlessly ticking by the seconds until we die…

~Sorry random thoughts today…

~In other news, life here has been super busy. The company that I work for just took on a couple million dollars worth of work and now I need to come up with the staffing for all this new work… which is not easy. Also the expansion to our building has started which means that I’ll have to eventually staff that as well. I guess this is a good problem to have, it just means a lot of work right now. Office staff isn’t supposed to work a ton of overtime and I put in 4 hours last week, which is a lot for an hourly office employee. I just hope that I’m not yelled at for that… considering all the other things I’ve gotten yell at for lately… the yelling is the worst part. I can handle the work and the OT but the yelling, especially when I didn’t do anything wrong. It just sucks. I am responsible for upholding the policies and that’s what I do. I’m sorry that a lot of our policies are outdates and need to be updated, I can’t do anything about that. I feel like no one understands me there. No one respects me there, no one listens to me… Its really frustrating actually. I went to school I worked hard I am good at what I do, I just don’t understand why that doesn’t seem like its enough. Why I never am enough… This is something that I thought would get better over time but apparently it doesn’t. At least not for me. It really makes no sense. I want to be the best person that I can be but I can’t do that when no one thinks I’m even good enough to exist. Ok now I know that’s going a little extreme but that’s how I feel more days (at work anyways). Its just hopeless, thinking that people will see me differently, that people will care what my opinion is. I don’t get it, I don’t understand it but apparently I’m going to have to accept it no matter what I think or what I do. Maybe I should just move on from this place, maybe I should run away and start over where no one knows me on one cares what happened in my past, where no one knows how hurt I’ve been, how many times my heart has been broken into millions of little sharp pieces that no one wants to put back together. Running sounds amazing right now. Maybe its time to just do it. Look at my options, take the money I’ve saved a leave…