something in the shadows in 2014

11:11pm

So I was going to come in here and tell you all about how I was feeling totally deflated; like the world had seen me with my happy balloon and decided to shove a big giant needle into it. But I’m doing mostly ok now.

It was that whole CK thing. After yesterday, it was kind of hard to think about anything else. I didn’t get to sleep until 2 in the morning and I can’t remember the last time I was up that late. I needed to let my brain settle down though.

This morning, a while after I woke up, I sent him a text to thank him for having me over and sharing the beer [I guess it was the last one he had left, with no real access to more, so it was very kind that he was willing to split it.] and all that good stuff. I’d thought about doing it last night but I didn’t want to bother him anymore. It took at least a half hour to get home and get reception so I waited.

Anyway, I went out to breakfast with my coworker. I thought for sure Mom would bring it up but it wasn’t really coming out. She was pretty upset with me when I got home late last night. I guess when you say you’ll be back in a “couple hours” she takes that literally. Losing track of time did not work out in my favor [at least not on the home-front]. Plus I think it was the whole “being out with a stranger” thing and the fact that she had no way to get a hold of me out there. But whatever.

Somewhere near the end of breakfast she finally mentioned that someone should ask me where I was last night. I looked around all innocently. She said I was with the “cowboy” and Z smiled and got all excited to hear details. She asked if it was the same one that we’d [meaning: she’d] decided to pervert. haha! That’s what I get for talking about how innocent he is.

I didn’t go much into details though. Just something about sitting outside talking and the crickets keeping us company. Mom and I went out shopping later and I did slowly let details slip. Like when something would remind me of our conversation. I can only imagine the wild details she’s got running through her head so it’s best I ease her worries. I told her about how he’d asked if I brought my mom along and that I didn’t invite her. I made a joke about how I kind of invited myself, and she said that ladies shouldn’t do that. hah! She’s suddenly all old school again.

Everything’s all fine and dandy when she’s trying to push me off onto every good looking guy she sees walking down the street. But when things take the next step, she freaks out about it. I told her that it was super scandalous to have guy friends, and how she must not have ever had them, and that they’d probably write something up about me in the paper. =]

This whole time though, I didn’t hear a word back from CK. He’s been pretty good about responding and I was starting to do that whole over-thinking thing. As much as I tried not to. It just sorta happens. The lack of response had me second guessing everything. Like did I come off as an idiot, does he really think I overstayed my welcome, did I say something horrible and ruin my reputation?

He finally responded around 9 tonight and of course everything seems fine. I still have no idea what kind of impression I left. I’d love to hear all about it. Because I did sorta laugh at him a couple of times. I joked about his trucks, and red hair, and tall stature. All in a super friendly, teasing manner, but sometimes I give off the wrong impressions.

I’ll try not to be so quick to jump to conclusions in the future. The key word being “try”, obviously! I mean, I didn’t actually think those things in a serious way but they crossed my mind more than once.

And I’m definitely trying not to think about how he’s supposed to move in a month or so. I suck at making new friends and I have this thing about people disappearing. =\

[Also, I apparently have a thing about over-sharing when getting to know someone. about my love for animals, and saving broken people, and crazy guilt. Talk about not holding anything back (you know, except the actual details of these things..)]

rose.
11:36pm