all of the stars in 2014

12:21am

Well, I just got back from Ck’s about 40 minutes ago. Didn’t see that one coming, eh?

[sidenote: is it bad that I’m feeling like he should have checked up on me? I mean he does live out in the middle of nowhere and there are a bunch of curves and pitch black roads. But I guess that’s not his thing…]

I almost didn’t go. He sent me a message early this morning in reply to my comment about it being weird if I went over while the neighbors were there. He said they were gone until Tuesday and I sorta took that as an invitation to come out before then. I told him I was stuck at work until six and it might be too late after that. He said it wasn’t that late.

So after work I shot him another text and asked if he still wanted to hang out and he said that I could taste that beer he mentioned and to come over. I told him that I found it hard to say no to that and that I would head his way. He says alright.

Five minutes later, as I’m grabbing keys to head out the door, he sends a text saying that if I didn’t want to drive all the way out there he could bring it into town one of these days. I respond with stuff about how he’s taking back his invite already, it’s really up to him, and I don’t want to impose.

He wasn’t responding [there isn’t really service out there. he only gets it in like one spot] and I decided to take off anyway. I’d already told Mom about it [she didn’t want me to go. All that worry about lack of phone and middle of nowhere stuff. Plus I think maybe she’s suspicious of CK, although she liked him just fine a few months ago] so I figured if he said no, I would just drive out somewhere and hang for a while. Clear my head.

I took the long back way to the freeway, still nothing. It was either right before, or right after, the turnoff that I got another message from him saying that he’d see me out there and he just didn’t want to be rude.

I didn’t really know what to do at that point. Like if I sent a reply saying to forget it, I would come off as some kind of passive/aggressive jerk. But if I said yes, I wasn’t sure how weird it would be.

Of course, from my first line, you can tell I went. I decided to just wing-it and see where it goes. I hoped it wouldn’t be too awkward. I didn’t want to get all the way out there only to feel like he didn’t want me there at all.

Turned out ok though. The first couple minutes were slightly strange. I got there and he was moving his truck, and had to move the water, and a bunch of stuff. I actually got out of the car, walked over to find him, and reached in for the hug when he got close enough. About as good as a first hug is going to get, I guess. It was one of those strange half-side kinda hugs. Mostly because I had a bag in my hand, filled with bottles of beer, and I didn’t want to clobber him with it. heh.

But after a while it got to the point where I lost all track of time and had to drag myself out of there. I’d seen my watch earlier and it was about 9 o’clock [I got there a bit after 7] and then all of a sudden I leaned back to glance at it again and it was 11! I thought I misread it at first, so I had to do a couple double takes and then CK looked over at the clock on the stove to tell me it was right.

How the heck that happened, I have no idea! Those last couple hours flew by so quickly. I mean, I’d considered leaving a few times before that but it was so nice out and it felt like it was still early. I guess I know now why I was starting to get cold and shiver. The temps always drop late at night. ha. Should have known something was up.

I’d actually mentioned out loud a couple times about my leaving and he kept saying that it was fine. I could stay as long as I wanted and all that. So I didn’t really feel that motivated to get up and go.

I’m glad I got there when the sun was going down. I was worried about this whole “being out there at night” thing at first, but it worked out kind of perfect. After the water thing, and throwing that darn dog the stick, we walked over to his place and he pulled out the beer. He split it into a couple of cups and then suggested we go outside because it was super warm in his place. We stepped out onto his porch, he went back in for chairs, set them up at the top of the stairs and didn’t move again until I left. Well, he did get up to check his phone a couple times, turn off some kind of alarm, and grab another beer. I decided against the 2nd beer mostly because I thought I was going to have to drive a lot sooner than I did. I should have just gone for it.

It was so nice though. Kinda like I’d imagined it. The two of us sitting out on that porch just talking and having a beer. Plus he’s got this super sweet dog that kept coming over for back rubs and cuddles. So friendly and so nice. I’ve got to get me a companion like her.

Or him. ;-)

We talked about everything. I promise not to recount every word of it. But it was just so much talking. There were only a couple moments where things got quiet, but even that was nice. With the crickets and quiet stillness of the night. I even saw a shooting star!

Topics ranged anywhere from his weird lucid dreaming, to my crazy Catholic guilt. haha. Boy does he have some wild stories from his younger days, and he’s not even that old!

There were also a lot of double meaning suggestions going on. Like it was really subtle, from both of us, but it was definitely there. And weird jokes about kidnapping each other and being tied up in the basement. hah.

He mentioned several times that he doesn’t really have people over. That most people don’t like to go all the way out there. He was surprised I was willing to make the drive. At one point we were talking about how we do this “worst-case-scenario” thing and he said that he was worried about my coming over. Apparently he thought that maybe I was going to do something to him and no one would find out about it. I laughed and said that it was probably the other way around. Since it’s his place and all, and he’d know where to keep me. This joke went on in the background for the rest of the night. Something would come up in a completely different topic and it would lead to, “well you never know when someone’s going to tie you up…“

Does this make it seem like we have a weird sense of humor? haha. We talked about that too. And animals, hunting, taking things for granted, knowing where food comes from, his trip to Canada/WA, how he’d thought about inviting me over to a poker night recently but figured I’d be uncomfortable, a healthy dialogue on homeschooling, my not being able to kill anything, the boys and M/J, his inability to sleep and/or turn off his brain. Etc. Etc. Etc.

I’ll admit, there were several times there where I’d look over and I kind of wanted to reach out and touch him. You know, like when you’re talking to someone and you want to smack their arm. Or I just wanted to put my hand on his knee. But that’s basically the same thing, right? ;) haha!

By the way, sitting in the dark is really good for people who are self-conscious! There was just the one light on inside his house, barely shining a glow on the side of his face, and a street light across the way that I assume was lighting up mine. And that was so nice. I didn’t worry about what I looked like, or how crazy my hair was getting, and I didn’t have to think about any of that stuff that I’d usually fret over. So great!

I had a good time. I can’t tell you how he feels about it. Probably that I kept him up late and I should have left the first time I said I would. hah. He’s impossible to read. But it’s good that I had fun! He made me laugh a lot and he’s got some great stories. I really enjoyed it. And the fact that that is probably the last and only time that will ever happen…well it makes it that much sweeter.

[I’m not even going to actually contemplate that thought because it’s going to make me sad. But I am so glad that I went out there and did it. I had to know. The not knowing would have been worse!]

rose.
1:16am