Feeling good BOQ #19 Sunday, October 27, 2013
Being alone I do a lot of soul searching. I think about everything and I slowly learn who I am. Its hard to explain. I don't know who I am 100 percent yet. But I am getting there. How far can I push myself? Can I dig deep enough to reach my goals? I have big BIG goals in mind. Will I stay true to them and work hard? I must push myself harder. Preparation can be a time waster. Just go for it. I do not want to lose my passion with age.
I decided to change my routine slightly this evening and write before I do my workouts. I just felt like writing first. I'm going to download some movies after I write and workout while they're downloading so once I am don working out and showering they will be done. Its nice to have something to look forward too after working out.
Work was good. Ashley was being all nice and friendly again. I am not going to try and figure out her thought process but I guess I'm happy that she is not completely ignoring me. I don't see her for another week so that's good. I'm off tomorrow.
Titans had a bye week.
I have made the conscious decision to resume my life as I was before Ashley. Ashley in my life was a wild card. Before her I was doing my own thing, minding my business. Going to work and straight home. Surf the web. Whatever. I lived stress free. I still do but not nearly as much as I was.
Not even before Ashley though. Before I made all these friends at work. I am a loner at heart. Its not that I don't like people its just that I prefer relaxing by myself. People can definitely bring stress. I just thoroughly enjoy doing my own thing. I'm not gonna be a total recluse though. I will go out sometimes I suppose. But I will definitely not hit people up anymore. I am not gonna buy weed anymore. Waste of money. I have stuff I actually need to buy.
I think that's all had to say tonight.
Number 19.
You have the chance to meet someone with whom you can have the most satisfying love imaginable - the stuff of dreams. Sadly, you know that in six months the person will die. Knowing the pain that would follow, would you still want to meet the person and fall in love? What if you knew your lover would not die, but instead betray you?
Well love is such a tricky subject. Very sensitive. We all know what I mean.
I'm not scared of getting my heartbroken anymore. Heartbreak is the worst thing but you can't live scared or live scared of getting your heartbroken. Otherwise you will never find love. I don't care what anybody says. Everybody wants to find love. Everybody. Not everybody may be avidly searching. But everybody wants it.
BUT knowing ahead of time is a completely different story.
Falling in love with this person might bring me amazing happiness and joy and amazing memories. It might change me for the better.
BUT knowing ahead of time is really awful to me. So no, I would not want to meet this person. The thought is very romantic though. I believe it would be sad to know that somebody out there is perfect for me. But I would still not want that sort of heartbreak and sadness.
And for the betray part? Still no. Of course, no.
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