Bittersweet Blood on the Leaves - BOQ #11 Thursday, June 27, 2013
I may have hypomania. Google it if you don't know. Or maybe I am having a manic episode. I mean of course looking online doesn't make me a doctor or give me the right to diagnose myself. But I literally have every single symptom.
Been a pretty hectic couple of days for me. At least when you take into account that my normal days are filled with nothing. Filled with boredom. So in comparison to my norm, its been a bit crazy.
In a lot of my entries I sort of play off how much I like Ashley. This girl is awesome. We just started becoming a thing. I didn't want a relationship for many reasons. But I finally cracked and gave in to my true feelings. But as with anything else in my life, it was to good to be true. Her parents don't want her to be in a relationship. It sucked kind of a lot. Her parents think that every guy is after sex because Ashley's brother knocked up some chick and then broke up with her. It was a big mess.
So now they refuse to let her be in a relationship until she is eighteen. An adult. Ashley was pissed. Just really emotional. So was I.
I won't get more into it. Its just kind of sucks a lot.
I didn't want a relationship. But now that I can't have Ashley its heartbreaking. I sort got what I wanted. Bittersweet.
Tried to write with headphones in. Didn't work.
A lot of people wish that not having emotions would be awesome. It seems awesome. I learned how to do that with some success. I can completely shut off my emotion. I almost refuse to get attached to people. Even some family. I purposely keep myself isolated. I suppose that helps. So I wonder if this Ashley sort of break up should be affecting me more? For years now I had no real relation/friendships. Maybe I have become a cold person. I have a small circle of people that I actually care about. My mom would often say she was scared of me becoming a cold person. She said she could see it happening. I think being cold has its advantages. I almost never get my hopes up anymore. I don't expect a lot. When something shitty happens to me I take it in stride because I have realized that's how my life works.
If I had a diary from like 14-17 years old you would have read some crazy shit. Crazier than what you read now. I mean a lot of this stuff isn't that crazy but I was a very angry 15 year old. Some of that anger remains but not nearly as intense.
I always write a couple of hours before I go to bed for some reason. If I would writ earlier I could get better faster. I am an Idiot.
This theory of attraction thing is suspicious. Nah it probably all in my head.
Dorney on the first of the month. I am sort of excited. I just don't feel like dealing with side comments about what I'm doing with my life. Or my tattoos. I might seriously say I have work that day. The only people I would regret seeing is Grandma and Papou. We are Greek. We call our Grandfather Papou.
Aunt Jenn seriously pisses me off. I don't get how she can act like she knows me or anything. I saw her for the first time when I was 8. The I didn't hear a word from her till was 14. LIKE WHAT. I mean shes really a nice person and means well but come on. I have a lot of anger/no feelings towards my family.
I just feel aggravated. Work 3-11 tomorrow.
Number 11 --- You are given the power to kill people simply by thinking of their deaths and twice repeating the word "good-bye." People would die a natural death and no one would suspect you. Are their any situations in which you would use this power?
Well I might kill terrorists like when Saddam and Bin Laden were alive.
I read somewhere that it can take serial killer years upon years to kill their first person. But once they kill one person their next murder happens very quickly. Like a couple of days after sometimes.
Killing somebody, no matter who, takes a lot out of someone. This is a hard question.
Maybe I would on accident? Like in the heat of anger. In the moment. And then regret it later.
Also If I have this power and eventually do it once who knows if I could stop? I mean who knows how you would change as a person if you have that power. I would like to think I would keep my morals but I mean I don't know.
Having that power would just be insane. The more I think about it the crazier it gets. Like you could probably become so powerful. If you wanted to you could be like an evil leader or something. People could fear you.
I mean having that power would probably change a person completely.
Loading comments...