Recap: O The Peaceful Gap in My New Life

I worked Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve, and New Years day. On Christmas Eve another co-worker who is under the impression he holds some other office than seniority over me/us felt that this was his opportunity to let me know what he really thought of the superior air I walk around with and felt he was speaking for some unknown group. He really let me have it. What he said didn’t bother me as much as having to deal with it on Christmas Eve. I think the true underlying reason I frustrate him and a select few others is how little their venomous bites actually affect me. I’ve been bitten so many times by fucking lowlives that my immune system has developed it’s own anti-venom. I’ve been through this before. There is a lot of poverty where I am living. And anytime I make choices toward Upward Mobility such as finishing a class, making healthy choices or financial strides there is always a kickback from workers in poverty at work. My mother took a class on dealing with the Lower-Socio Economic Class. Poverty is so ingrained in the culture that climbing out of poverty is taboo. The example she used was that in neighborhoods of poverty the unspoken rule is that when fortune is on your side you give it to the neighborhood. If you receive a bonus from work you throw a party for your community when what you should actually do is save the bonus, pay bills with it or eventually invest it. The manner of thinking in poorer areas is that you should throw a party or otherwise give it back somehow. This way when the rainy day hits you the community will owe you. Either way, I am aware of the unspoken rule. I give back, I donate to causes I believe in and help folks out who need help moving or whatever it may be yet I make strides towards Upward Mobility. I even gave an extra $20 on top of my $30 Secret Santa gift because I heard my other co-workers were upping the ante on their gifts which would have made my recipient sorry I drew her name. Luckily, she and I get along and she spends her extra time being a good mother and taking her daughter to karate so I really didn’t mind even though I knew the gift I would receive (from someone else) would only be a $30 value. I don’t mind helping those who help themselves.

As a rule, I generally don’t accept help or handouts unless it is from those in my closer circles because in those circles it’s more trouble than it’s worth to keep tallies and because I know I will be going somewhere better eventually and the likelihood that I will stay in any contact with the majority of my co-workers is not very likely. But, because the wealth gap is so vast within the workers here my actions always provide a certain amount of cognitive dissonance in the manner they conduct themselves, their communities and it comes out in temper-tantrums at work. If I had given only $30 then I would be considered a miser or cheap and giving $50 I would be seen as throwing my money around in poor folks faces. There really is no winning when it comes to this type so take the slaps and keep moving forward. Basically, we were all upset that we had to work Holidays and my air of superiority made me a target for their frustrations. (I have good posture. I can’t help it. I’ve practiced yoga for 14 years, eat healthy and have a piano player’s posture).

Later, my Lawyer-Gone-Guru sent me an email about a family member of his who is going through some familiar difficulties, and so I wrote out some a self-help tactics I have studied that have been useful for me. They are as follows:

Support Group,

I cannot claim I know much of anything at all and all I can do is offer tactics, ideas, and maneuvers that have proven beneficial for me in dealing with this labyrinth we call modern living. Support Groups are essential. Bros, colleagues and fellow hacky-sackers, lend me your ears; more or less, folks who wish to see you succeed personally. They generally are folks who find value in who you are as a person rather than selfish ends. I am always a big advocate for athleticism and sportsman camaraderie as it is beneficial for “your team” to see you at your peak performance. They can be psychological abuse detectors because only your bro will recognize when your head isn’t in the game where it should be.

Secondly, when dealing in high-conflict situations it’s important to never allow the high-conflict person to draw you into the fight. This is far more difficult to enact rather than to speak or write it. They have a special ability to manipulate your emotions, and so practice setting boundaries or walking away: stating calmly, “I am ending this conversation until you lower your voice” and walk away or drive away if necessary. By drawing you into the fight they have won because there will be no winning, no referee to throw flags for fouls or a score-keeper for a debate team. You can “win” and it still will not produce the desired effect so smile, wave and walk away.

In rare cases the dementor can be in positions you cannot really walk away from which I have encountered recently at work which K_ so graciously talked me through (see the above support group). After months of constant light harassment similar to death by 1,000 paper cuts or waterboarding while I am biking to work and Biology class the conflict finally came to a head and I was forced to throw the gauntlet down. (cf. The Art of War by Sun Tzu). She was so used to my allowing her petty, snotty jabs that when I came back hard at her (verbally, non-violently and firm) she was completely unprepared. I had time to cover all my bases. I had already alerted the superiors to her unfair treatment and we have now been moved to separate wards. It all worked out in the end. The Art of War is to not be in war. It is to avoid war until you are forced into it and the entire book thereafter the title is what to do after you are forced into it. I seem to remember a passage on maintaining the high-ground in case of an attack.

But, overall, I would suggest just working on yourself, focus on bettering yourself, finances, relationships or hobbies. Find something you love to do after work. Find something you can practice outside the bestial oblivion or craven scruples. It can be just simply wood carving, or mycology; yoga, hacky-sacking near a river, hiking, ornithology, focussing on the new improved you. Find that space where you find peace; stay in the zone and say, to hell with it to the rest of the world outside of that space.

“You cannot stop a wave but you can learn how to surf.”

-American Zen Proverb

Warmly,
Zampano Dossier

Last updated January 07, 2024