I’m just going to complain, i guess i’ve had one of those weeks, sorry for being so negligent to my journal.
I dont really know where to start, so i’ll go back a couple of weeks and start there. I’ve been really low recently, not sure why. I get my ups and downs just like everyone else but a couple of weeks ago i just had this sudden leap into the abyss and now i’m an emotional wreck.
Last week we had high hopes about getting a new unit, it was going to be 3000 square foot, so there would be plenty of room for my car in there, however it would cost me £50 a week, anyway the excitement was for no reason as we never got it. So their is disappointment #1.
I started smoking last week in a desperate chance to escape feeling crippled by my own mind. I guess it’s helped, or it did for a few days at least. Then within the next couple of days my phone rings and i have a call from Rachel. Now before i start complaining, i actually like Rachel and was kind of excited to see her. What i wasn’t prepared for was all the emotions etc that kind of creeped through that night. She asked if i hated her, i think 3 times? Now i don’t know about you; but when someone asks you if you hate them you generally have an answer, instead i was just kind of dumbstruck and it reminded me that she probably has reason to think i hate her. All i ever do is push the girl away and hurt her, i guess that’s just me being scared of being too close to her as a friend because i know i won’t hear from her again for another year or so.
I guess the only bit of good news is i made a new friend called Syrina a few months back, i don’t think i’ve ever met someone who understands me quite as much as her? Our pasts are almost identical down to a tee. To make a long story short, she’s coming home to England within the next couple of months. She’s quiet like me so i pushed the boat out and said i would show her around my area and we can hang out. I’m kind of a nervous wreck however and feel like i made a promise i can’t keep since i’m so shitty with people.
I’ve tried going to the gym recently, Syrina is a bigger girl so i convinced her to start going to gym and i’ll put in the effort too. To be fair i never expected her to do it? But she’s stuck to it better than me and i can’t express how proud i am. I do however feel like i’ve lost weight this week, i haven’t ate a whole lot because of all the anxiety and stress i’ve unintentionally induced on myself.
I’ve not spent money on car parts in a few months and wracked up a good chunk of money, around £700. I bought myself some new wheels which are actual desirable and snapped them up for a bargain at £135.
Eitherway i can’t seem to locate my cigarettes at this current moment so i figured venting on here would take up at least 20 minutes of my time. Time to go scavenging again i guess. Let’s finish up with the opening to the best anime of this season.
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