Nay Sayers... in Riverdale

Nay Sayers

It’s so hard to deal with a lot of ppl around me lately. A lot of them I find I cannot share my goals dreams or ideas without getting a negative response. Sure sometimes the comments they make have truth in them but what they don’t have is any respect or consideration for how I might feel when they spout off their beliefs and experiences. They don’t have to agree with me but it would be nice if they were supportive or at least neutral.

The biggest nay sayer is my mom at times. When she is encouraging of me I love it and am surprised. But often her encouragement is only for limited ideas and usually ones that are up HER ally already.

Today I decided to take a different route with her. I just changed the subject totally tired if defending my dreams ideas and goals, whats the point? Not that I don’t often have to do this but today I just read a great article about it all that really validated my situation. So I feel a bit better about it. I DO have some people in my life in my corner and my mom can be in my corner- I believe her comments come out of her own life experiences and fears and I don’t want to let her disparaging comments get me down or internalize them.

What I want to do is go back to school. It’s funny too because my mom a few days ago when I mentioned going back to school said DO IT! Enthusiastically, another reason not to take her comments to personally and internalize them.

But I guess that’s why her comments really get to me. Because two things I really wanna do, and could use her help and supprt with-school and moving she has flip flopped on me with. Just two days as well she enthusiastically mentioned a building that I had mentioned to her beforehand about and she always wearily mentioning the cost and inconvenience of moving. It’s so fusterating. But I won’t let her get me down and I will try my hardest not to bring up such things which is hard. I want her to approve and I want to share things with her and she seems to want me to open up to her at times but when I do she is so close minded and fear based and it’s hard not to be discouraged and pissed off with her about it.

I wish I had better/more friends right now. Feeling alone…I hate relying and only having contact with her and basically shallow contact with one other person.

I am not a shallow person. I enjoy closeness with people and depth in relationships and conversations but lately that’s so hard to find.

Anyways I bought a 1000 piece puzzle. I loved doing puzzles when I was a kid and I thought maybe I over shot getting such a large puZzle but I’m not doing bad. I’ve had it for at least a few days and I’m pretty much done the outside of it.

Still applying for jobs. I found a job posting for a job up my ally just up tr street from me the deadline is tomm and I am pretty much done it all I have to do is go tweek it at the employment center and print it out and they say to prett much mail it or hand it in person. Luckily I live so close so I am going to hand it in personally and hopefully it’s a good thing that I do that. It’s casual part time but whatever. It’s something. I’ve applied to about four jobs since the beginning of sept haven’t heard anything from any of them yet. If at all. :(. I know I have to be patient though and keep looking and not to pin my hopes on one job really. I have to be persistent. I called one of the places I applied to today because basically tomm is the last day they will be calling applicants and I wanna know either way....I kind of regret it-maybe I don’t wanna know either way. But I left an articulate message maybe that will help? Not sure? I don’t know if I am truly the demographic they are looking for…but hey I tried. For now I try to tell myself it would be nice to get the job/interview but at least I am trying and applying and following up. It’s good practice I guess....

I really hope I can find something soon. Hopefully by the end of October or November. Before the holidays and the winter sets in.

I made a cute zippered bag in seeing class which I would show if I knew how to post pictures. Maybe I’ll find out…

But anyways. Just thought is write.

Please send me some good vibes finding a job :)

Ciao!