Some things are going well. I love Kenny. I want him to take more initiative with me and call me, but he does send me little facebook messages throughout the day, which shows he’s thinking of me. We threw a rocking party last weekend, and had a great time doing it. He treats me well, fucks like and angel, and holds me tight. He’s great.
I’m broke. Since my job decided to not pay for health insurance anymore, it fucks my budgeting up. I wouldn’t have gotten this place if I’d known that, and they changed their policies pretty much the month after I moved in.
I get around $1500 a month from my job.
rent- $600
utilities- $50
phone- $30
health and car insurance- $244
gas- $200
groceries- $200
Total- $1324
Remaining- $176
Now, this doesn’t count things like haircuts, oil changes, copays, dance admission, or dining out, or fun money of any kind. I saw Kenny twice– two weekends worth.
Debt is minimal right now. This month I’m going to pay just a little over the minimum payment on my credit card so that I can clear out my bridge tolls and doctor bills. I’ll still have $600 on my credit card, but hopefully Mike will want an appointment soon.
My room mate is crazy. As Scott would say, “She’s not just a little crazy. She’s crazy as in ‘we the jury, find the defendant crazy.’“
How so? She got rid of the dish drainer because it was, “damaging the counter.” She doesn’t want us to wash any sheets or blankets in the washing machine for fear of breaking it. She covered the carpet with plastic runners and rugs because she doesn’t want the carpet to become matted or damaged. She got rid of the microwave because it was damaged. Do you see a pattern? I’m pretty sure she’s the one that’s damaged. She’s stressed and trying to exert control over some aspect of her life and so she picked how her room mates use her things. It’s sad, and terribly inconvenient.
I’d like to move closer to Kenny. I’ve been applying to both jobs and housing, and it seems that finding a job is harder. I almost had an interview, but it got cancelled because someone else was able to meet with her sooner and got the job. A girl wrote me about housing that same day. I almost had both.
Moving scares me. I’d be 2.5 hours from my parents’ house, and 2 hours from everything else. That’s all well and good while Kenny and I are happy, but if we break up and I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere? With some job I took that’s crappy? Winter is coming, and I don’t want to be trapped.
On the other hand, not moving scares me. I like Kenny a lot. I want to be closer to him. I want to be in a rhythm with him, where we have dinner often and watch movies and have lots of sex. I can’t do that from here. I don’t want to deny myself of a potentially amazing relationship because I was scared of change.
I hate my house. I want to be paid more than my current job. If I can find well-timed upgrades for both near Kenny, then I could be quite happy. I guess I just have to keep sticking my brave little vulnerable neck out.
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