This Season in These Foolish Things
- Dec. 2, 2023, 7:46 p.m.
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- Public
It’s Christmastime. The weather’s getting cooler (at least at night it is), and I have no one to snuggle. I’m frustrated as hell and need to change that. So what if I’m a little chunky right now. There’s gotta be someone out there who would love me for the little-extra me that I am in this moment.
I’m clicking through Instagram and seeing everyone get dressed up in their sparkles and heels and zhuzhing themselves for their holiday parties. And tonight I sit at home in a cluttered mess, eating a boxed dinner from the prepared food section of the fancy grocery store and wondering where the fuck was the turning point in my life?
But I kinda know.
And I don’t want to have a victim mentality, so I refuse to really let myself go there. But the fact of the matter is that I simply wasn’t able to handle having a relationship AND be in life-threatening situations. I was focused on staying alive over trying to catch feelings.
But now I really feel like I NEED human touch and connection.
And yet…I’m grossed out by it too.
So where do I go from here? What do I do? Do I go back on the dating sites and have a bunch of dates? I suppose that would help me from feeling like I’m missing out, right?
Won’t somebody take me to their Christmas party??
GS
bobbi01 ⋅ December 02, 2023
I've seen the insta photos and you are a hottie! I feel like covid has made personal relationships really damn hard and you have had a lot worse to deal with I'm sure there is someone out there for you.
sudare ⋅ December 02, 2023
You are trying your best to be with yourself now. Anyone can’t handle a lot.
Jinn ⋅ December 03, 2023
It’s the time of year when things really get to us . I think the stress of the holiday and Winter. It’s supposed to be wonderful but often ; it’s not ,
Complicated Disaster ⋅ December 03, 2023
I wish I was as chunky as you!! Xx
Florentine ⋅ December 05, 2023
It’s so hard after spending so much time in survival mode to make that transition back into thriving. Our bodies and minds don’t usually make that progress together. You’ve got some trauma you’re carrying around in ways you didn’t before the aneurysm and cancer. Your body is healing, but your mind is still hesitating—you can understand what you want, but you still feel the need to protect yourself. But I’ll tell you that over here as we all read, its clear as day that you’ve come so far and done so many courageous things lately. It’ll enrich any relationship you make with someone new. Only if he’s worthy of that privilege, of course! ❤️
Justlovely ⋅ December 06, 2023
Hugs. This is a hard time of year, when people start putting their best images on social media. Remember that everything you see is not a whole picture, and some of it may even be (deliberate or not) a very skewed picture of someone's internal life. Please be kind to yourself. You absolutely deserve and need physical affection on your own terms. It sucks sometimes that life is so complicated.
Ginger Snap Justlovely ⋅ December 06, 2023
Thank you. Such a sweet note. I appreciate it!
pandora ⋅ December 06, 2023
As a lifelong fat person who has had wonderful relationships, I can say with certainty that being chubby has nothing to do with finding love.
Ginger Snap pandora ⋅ December 06, 2023
Thank you. I just adore you! I’ve never seen you as chubby, so… I get it ❤️
Serin ⋅ February 04, 2024
I admire your courage in doing the dates. That's not at all an easy thing and I hope you're proud of yourself as you find someone to give you the touch you need.