Did you see the moon??! in The Casey Diaries

I think that I’m gonna change my pants and go sit on my porch with the binoculars or spy glass thing that Blake got me.

I’m trying, really and terribly and fucking extremely hard to not have a nervous breakdown. Maybe that was the reason my mom was never the same? I been talking about her a lot tonight and these past couple days and I miss her more than i thought I was going to initially. We definitely had a love/hate relationship and I didn’t speak to her for over 2 years and when I tracked down her new place, she fucking didn’t even hesitate to let me and my dickhead of a boyfriend at the time, into her 1 bedroom apartment. So much dumb shit happened that summer. From June to October when she got kicked out, yes evicted because of us, she didn’t blame me or anything. To me, my mom was all most, invincible in my eyes. For real dude, the shit I watched this woman do would crumple anyone else. Even when she survived an aneurysm AND the piece of bone that was used to plug up the hole they poked there to let her brain swell, got freaking infected!!! Like can this woman get a break? I spoke to her the night before she fell asleep and didn’t wake up. I guess after all the pain I watched her endure, I helped the best I could, I could only be happy she didn’t have to suffer anymore when she died while she was sleeping.. I’m sorry mom. I miss you so much.

And omfg, that has to be the Molly in the ice I been doing. I haven’t been so weepy, so on the edge of crying and not crying. I finally figured it out after 2 fucking days of grinding teeth that I don’t have. ugh.
I am going to end up just like my mother.. And when I say that I mean the version of her that was the true her, Not the alcoholic, or the drug addict.
I’m trying so hard to keep my thoughts in order. I think it’s time to look at the moon. I said I was going to set up my tripod and never did. It’s because the camera is charging. I got the SD card bullshit set up.