You have to be okay not having the last word in Journey Back to ME

Yesterday morning I received a text message from “the narcissist”. It asked if he had missed my sons birthday. I replied that his birthday was in October.

Sidenote: this person emotionally abused me and lectured me and punished me and belittled me to death for the last year. I finally moved forward, and deal with him on a conversation to conversation basis because our children attend school together and we have to see each other. He has also been without a job for MONTHS and this has placed him into a depression where he has now begun sending text messages not only asking me for money, but basically telling me that his other friends are always there for him. How great they are, and how he doesn’t mean anything to anybody…basically the same guiltripping text he has been sending me for the past year in order to get exactly what he wants. He knows that I am an empath, and he will literally manipulate situations to get an outcome in his favor. HOWEVER, when I decided to LET GO, I also made a promise to myself to STICK TO MY BOUNDARIES. Sometimes he is invasive with his questions and he forces you into conversations that you don’t want to have. Not only that, he doesn’t respect that I don’t like to text or message to death and he’ll send extremely long anxiety driven paragraphs that usually tell me that I haven’t been there for him in the way that he needs or about how “horrible” his life is. If he’s not the center of my universe, then he has an issue. When he WAS the center of my universe because I was abused and thought that was what he wanted, he took issue with this too. I basically have made peace that no matter how many job postings I send, how much I do for his daughter and show up for her, how much food I bring over or make, how much energy I expend into speaking his love language…he is a TAKER and it will always be considered as “not enough”. If I do it, it’s like it never happened. If I’m there for him, it’s not enough. I have a very strong feeling that there is something about me that reminds him of his mom, and he takes everything out on me because I am capable of FEELING HURT, and my HURT is visible.

So I’ve set the boundary, that I respond when I want and it’s usually with very few words as he always finds a problem with how I say ANYTHING.

So he asked why I didn’t tell him it was my sons birthday. Well quite frankly it’s because I am too busy pouring into my children and living my life. I took my kids to Sea World to celebrate Halloween, I took him to my moms 2 hours away, we went trick or treating at the zoo, out to dinner at a pizza buffet (his request). Never have I reached out to anyone and said “hey, you know my kids birthday is today”. Nevermind the fact that anytime he and I are talking it’s always a “woe is me” conversation about him and how bad things are and how no one is ever there for him. Never am I asked about what’s going on with me. I also don’t share because I’ve also come to know that when I’m happy, he’ll find a way to knock it down. Even if I want to vent about work, he’ll say “at least you have a job”…it’s like…if it’s not about him and how bad things are for him then it doesn’t matter. Which is why I keep our interactions at minimum. My glass has always been half full so it is DRAINING and exhausting to be around someone like that.

So then he started sending me paragraphs about why I hadn’t told him about my sons birthday. About how he wanted to take him to the movies to see the Paw Patrol movie and now it’s not playing. How on Earth that’s my fault or my problem is beyond me. He literally continued sending me these messages and sending me into heightened anxiety…so I simply didn’t respond. He sent maybe two more messages after I stopped responding which I didn’t read. Something about how he knows I let people know about his birthday and how he knows I don’t care about him because I didn’t tell him. Some weird shit…

My birthday is a week from today. I’ll be 35. I don’t know where we’ve gotten our lines crossed, but somewhere along the line he has gotten the idea that I have to answer to him. That he has to know everything going on my life at every moment, and if he doesn’t then I don’t care about him or he’s not my friend. We’ve literally had conversations that he started with “I know that we’re not really friends”…and I’ll be puzzled because I have plenty of people that are my friends (EVEN close friends) that I don’t talk to every day. I don’t respond to their every message…and with him, if it’s not about him and the energy isn’t being put toward him, and i’m not calling and texting and messaging HIM then whatever “friendship” i’m offering is invaluable and non-existent. Imagine thinking someone is your friend and every chance they get they tell you how such and such does this or that for them and that they’re the only person that cares about them. I mean, just thinking about it EXHAUSTS ME.

Which is exactly why I pulled back. This is not someone I want a relationship with whatsoever. I AM STANDING MY GROUND WITH MY BOUNDARIES THOUGH. You don’t get access to any of those parts of me that can be hurt. You don’t get to tell me WHO I AM because I know who I am. I don’t owe you anything. You are not the center of my world. My friendship and what I bring to the table is VALUABLE despite what you say. I let this person tell me how to feel about myself for far too long, and now that I have broken free…I’m standing my ground. Who the fuck does he think he is? Why does he feel entitled to ME?