What's the Worry? in These Foolish Things

What a lazy Saturday - where did the day go?

Well, for one thing, I slept until well after 8am. I hadn’t planned to do that, but I woke at 2am with a worried brain and it took me quite some time to get back to sleep.

What’s the worry, you ask? Oh, you know. The obvious job stuff. Of course, the work stuff.

But then there’s a dumb lump that popped up on my shoulder that I’m freaking out about. I have a dermatologist appointment, but it’s not until I go back to [my old city] for all my doc appointments and my 2-year CT scan in early October. Fingers crossed there.

But back to the skin thing, it’s a nasty looking raised spot that looks like a giant cyst. I took a pic and sent to my doc and he thought it looked like an epidermoid cyst and prescribed antibiotics, but when I showed my pharmacist, he thought it was a wart (???) On my shoulder???

Regardless, it’s bugging me.

Then, I’ve decided that I can’t let my parents worry me so much. They are old and are gonna do what stubborn old people do! My dad took my SIL’s car to some weird dealership two hours away from where they live and got stuck! Told me he had to pee so he got out on the highway to piss on the concrete barrier. WHAT?! Didn’t get home until well after dark, and he can’t really SEE in the dark!

Y’all.

I mean.

He was fine and all, but it just seems like he’s going to keep doing shit like that because I think it makes him feel alive! He wants to help my SIL get a new car and he’s also shopping for a new car for himself and my mom (since mom has trouble getting in and out of their current car).

These are the things that keep me awake at night!

Meanwhile, I’m struggling with this depression. I know it’s situational and it’s going to go away as soon as I get myself into a settled place with work and all, but this particular bout is a doozy!

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my own company. I am fine with being alone and all…

But I have been ALONE alone for a good, long time now. It’s been YEARS since I’ve had a romantic relationship - someone I go and do things with on a nearly daily basis…someone I go to bed with…someone I touch.

I’ve spent years trying to stay away from people so as to not get Covid while going through cancer treatment and even afterwards. I’ve spent years trying NOT to touch people!

And now I feel like I need other humans so desperately.

Not going to a job has been very hard on me. Not being around people has been huge. Not having human touch? It’s been torturous.

And Bumble dates aren’t helping me that much. Maybe I’ve forgotten how to flirt?

OK. I need to move around for a bit…
Love,
GS