figured too much in 2014

12:43am

Why am I up so late? Geez. I don't even know how I let the time slip away from me. I keep saying that I need to go to bed earlier [mostly because I've been sleeping in past my normal wake-up time] but I can't seem to manage that. Got caught up reading stuff on the interwebz and generally being distracted by all that good stuff.

Now, of course, I'm stalling by pretending like I have something interesting to say. I really don't. It's the same old stuff. Not that that's a complaint. I like the same old stuff. Change is what causes me stress.

So it turns out that Kristen is bailing on the wedding next month. That means that the only two other friends I know there will include the Bride and my friend who is bringing her boyfriend. Yay It's just my luck to be third-wheeling it at a wedding that I was somewhat excited to attend. That should be a good time.

No, but really. I'm super bummed about this. I figured that it wouldn't be so bad with Kristen there since she's single and at least if Yesenia wanted to get distracted by her boyfriend I would have someone else to talk to. Plus we had originally talked about all going together. Carpooling and then sharing a room. But Yesenia decided to make a trip out of it with the bf. Going early and staying together. And Kristen told me several weeks ago that she would probably not come through town. So carpooling was out but I figured I'd still be able to share a room with her. Now I have to figure out what to do.

I'm thinking I won't stay because it's a Saturday in a beach-side community and that means prices are high and most stuff is booking up fast. I don't really see the point in spending 200+ dollars to stay at a hotel 3hrs away. Although I was considering it because I figured there might be drinking involved. Who knows what will happen now that it'll just be me. Worse case scenario, I'll just sleep in my car if I've had too much to drink. Or I guess even worse than that would be if I couldn't drink because I had to drive home. hah.

We'll see. I'm trying not to think about it. I'm mostly doing what I always do and avoiding the whole issue because I don't want the anxiety and I love to procrastinate. It'll turn out the way it's supposed to. I'll go because she's been my friend since kindergarten and I really am happy for her. I want to celebrate this with her. And maybe Yesenia's bf will be awesome and we can joke around all night without it being completely awkward. I'd really hate to feel all anti-social and weird at an event like this. I just want to have fun!

In other news: I had to call the guy from the office today to thank him for the BBQ. I procrastinated [see aforementioned habit] until the last minute. We were getting ready to leave and it was already after six o'clock. A part of me thought he might drop by after work if I didn't call, so I was kind of waiting for that. But also I hate talking on the phone and I'm awkward.

I had to do it though. It would have been super rude if I didn't call to thank him for the food and tell him how good it was. So I picked up the phone and dialed the number I found in his file. I think he picked up on the last ring before it went to voicemail. I thanked him, mentioned the deliciousness, and joked about a bunch of things. I was going to try to keep the jokes to a minimum because of the "maybe he thinks I'm flirting" thing, but oh well. I couldn't help myself.

Probably laughed too much. Mom said to tell him we'd hire him during the season to be our personal chef. He said perhaps we could work out a deal. I made mention of them hiding the chicken from me yesterday and he ratted my Mom out before I even finished the sentence. haha. But he quickly suggested that it could have been that little boy that was wandering the office. :) He also asked how my work had gone after I tried to end the call by saying we were still busy [I don't know how to hang up the phone with strangers...]. And I told him I'd call in a few months when I have the Mexican food ready for him to try.

I don't know. There was a lot of laughing, and a lot of jokes, and pretending to be offended [on both our parts] and then I was finally able to get him off the phone.

I'll probably hold off on calling for a long while. Like maybe I'll forget until we see him next season. But that's just the way things go. I don't want to give off the wrong impression although of course there's a part of me that would really like to just hang out with him as friends.

Which basically makes me think that I must be quite starved for attention. I mean I've been sending Kyle messages on fb even after our weird first convo back. And now I have thoughts about how I could maybe work something out to be friends with a guy 20 years my senior.

Yeah. Totally deprived.
It's my own fault, really.

Instead I'm going to go back and pretend none of this happened. Ignore it all and move on. [But still wonder things like why Ck couldn't have just been my friend.....(because my stupid brain hates me and still won't let that go.)]

Tomorrow I'll drive by the ocean and make myself feel better. I'll get to celebrate a bunch of family birthdays this weekend and start the serious prep work for the big fiesta next week. It'll be an exciting time! Even if I have to force all these stupid thoughts out of my head with too much food and possibly alcohol. =]

rose.
1:07am