Still So Anxious* in These Foolish Things

Y’all. I’m still so anxiety-ridden. I don’t remember feeling this anxious last year when I was unemployed, but I think that was because I had a good severance AND unemployment on top of that, so I was able to relax a little bit.

Right now, I’m in such a funk that I barely know what to do with myself.

One of the companies that I had my sights set on and would have been perfect for me (and I’d had a phone interview with) sent me a rejection email yesterday, telling me that they’d decided to go a different direction - whatever THAT means! And you know, it doesn’t have to mean anything. They don’t have to give me any details.

But the thing is, I had such great rapport with the HR director. We were allotted 30 minutes and we actually talked for nearly an hour. She kept saying “perfect” after all of my comments! I mean, what the hell?

But I suppose she can like me all day long and if the hiring manager is not interested, then it won’t help me much, now will it?

I did fly to [my former city] last week for interview #3 and an in-person panel interview at a pretty cool skincare company and it went pretty well. I’m kind of thinking that if this goes further I’ll likely take it IF they will offer me a good relocation package. I’m even thinking of a couple places where I could move.

The best part about my interview last week is that I took an early flight that got me into the airport at 8am and my interview wasn’t until 10:30 that morning. The offices are a literal 5-minute drive from the airport, so it gave me over two hours to mingle around the airport and guess who just happened to be at the airport at the exact same time?

BEST BUD! She was on her way to China for a week-long business trip and we just happened to overlap - HOW FUN!

I told her to meet me in the airline club lounge in the International Terminal and I went to the desk to check her in and the woman at the desk told me that her status would actually get us into the fancy-pants PREMIER lounge that’s way, way better than the “regular” club lounge!!

We had a great mini catch-up complete with breakfast and champagne! What a fantastic bonus!

Then the interview and that was fine. Def not the highlight of my day, ha!! But def something to consider.

Then back to [my new city] in time to pick up Martini at daycare and take her for a good, long walk in the park.

Still, this anxiety plagues me.

Mom is home now after spending 5 days in the physical rehab facility. She seems to be doing okay, but again, both she and dad get older and more frail by the day. I worry, worry, worry and mom tells me NOT to worry about her and my dad because I have other things to figure out with my life.

I just can’t help it!

I know that this is life and this is the way things go, but I have been looking back at my life in sort of midlife crisis mode and realize that they will likely never walk me down the aisle at my wedding…you know, things like that!

I can’t help but feel like I’m not accomplishing anything right now.

And I mean, look. I’ve spent so many years just trying to STAY ALIVE that I feel so weird right now. This HAS to be a passing phase, doesn’t it?

So, something to take my mind off things for at least tonight: I have yet another first date lined up. He wants to meet me at a cool-looking little bar downtown and I’m looking forward to that. You’ll get another RAD soon.

As for The Parole Officer, he’s a likely nah. And as for The Sailor who says he wants to “woo” me, well, we talked on the phone this morning and I told him about the last guy who told me he wanted to woo me and how he did nothing of the sort and fizzled out before disappearing altogether.

So we’ll see how this one goes. I’m not holding my breath, but at least I’m still going out on dates, I guess.

sigh
GS

Update: I did some research on how to get myself out of this anxiety spiral, and an article I read said to remove myself from the situation. So I took a step back. And I’ve decided that actually NOT working right now is WAY, WAY better than being subjected to Chief Cutie every day. I know it might seem hard to believe that a single person affected me like that, but right now I notice even sitting here at my desk at home, my shoulders are relaxed and not jammed up against my ears like they were every minute of every workday and I do not feel like I’m walking on eggshells every moment. So that’s something.

Now off to walk the dog and then get ready for my date!

Last updated August 01, 2023