RAD: The Parole Officer in These Foolish Things
- July 30, 2023, 5:28 p.m.
- |
- Public
Name: The Parole Officer
Introduction Platform: Bumble
Age: 60
Relationship Status: Thinking never married, no kids? I actually didn’t ask, but I’m pretty sure he’s a lifelong bachelor
Job: Retired a year ago, but formerly a parole officer
Lives: Didn’t ask, but he mentioned an area that I think is kind of close to where we met
Length of Date: 2 hours
We Did: Early Sunday morning (8am) tea at a super cool old coffee shop and bakery that sits on the edge of the lake
He Looked: Super nerdy and a little disheveled. Cool black framed glasses, kinda shaved down head, scruffy face that could either look somewhat interesting or like a homeless person
I Looked: Summer sundress that I’m tending to wear to all my first dates this summer - not that I’ve had a lot (only two), but it’s the same dress I wore to meet The Sailor
Convo: A little strained - he kicked off our conversation by apologizing, saying he thought that maybe I was catfishing him at first. Apparently, there are a LOT of female catfish on Bumble? I didn’t feel like telling him about my unemployment situation or about things that were going on, so I asked him about being a parole officer and was quite fascinated. He’s worked with a lot of interesting characters and it sounds like a cross between a nightmare of a job and an incredibly interesting one. I did end up telling him about all of the traumatic shit that happened over the last 5 years with me: the carotid artery injury, the mugging and cancer during covid, losing my job after cancer… he was pretty shocked and we talked about being single as we get older and how we’re going to need to lean on friends and vice versa.
High Point: I’m grateful that he introduced me to this coffee shop. It’s a beautiful old building that sits on the edge of a lake. There’s live music and the crowd appears to be super intellectual and quite interesting
Low Point: I was uncomfortable the whole time and wanted out, but I’m not sure why.
How It Ended: I noticed that we’d been talking for the better part of two hours. At the two hour mark I told him that I needed to go. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I don’t know why - some of it is because of where we were seated at the venue (his idea - the place is on a marina and he sat us on the lower deck, kind of in a dark corner, almost in like a cave-like space. I don’t like sitting in cave-like spaces on a first date unless it’s a wine cellar).
Chances Are: I don’t feel sparks, but I’m sure happy he told me that I could count on him if I needed anything - even if it were just as friends. I don’t know what to do - he sent me a message telling me that he wanted to see me again, and I really do need friends… but I need to be upfront about the chemistry stuff.
Date Rating: C-ish
Phade ⋅ July 30, 2023
Very weird to open up with this. This is something to kinda joke about after you've established a positive rapport. But also, hey it's a compliment haha - it means your pics (and info) and in extension, you IRL, were catfish-worthy and gorje.
CharminglyNeurotic Phade ⋅ July 30, 2023
I've had FOUR guys tell me the same thing in the past. Apparently if you are a pretty woman, who seems smart, etc. men will think you are a bot or a catfish. It seems to happen a lot. I have found this with men - if they are very good looking, accomplished -- they are usually catfishes. So it makes sense. I'd take it as a compliment from him. YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
Ginger Snap CharminglyNeurotic ⋅ July 30, 2023
Haha! Now I'm getting the young guys who are obviously not serious hitting me up. Do you get this too?
CharminglyNeurotic Ginger Snap ⋅ July 30, 2023
I always get way younger guys - in person too. It's bizarre. I want a lifemate, not just a fun date.
Ginger Snap CharminglyNeurotic ⋅ July 30, 2023
Same. So much same
Ginger Snap Phade ⋅ July 30, 2023
Right? I mean, I didn't really think about this as a compliment, but I do get that. Way, WAY back in the early days of dating apps, someone in California (on the other side of he country) stole my entire profile - all the pics and my words verbatim. I didn't know this until someone in FRANCE of all places alerted me and asked me if I'd moved to CA! I had to contact the app service and tell them to shut that other profile down!
bobbi01 ⋅ July 30, 2023
Trust your instincts. Although sometimes it can just be an off day.
Athena ⋅ July 30, 2023
If you think there’s friend potential you could say, honestly, that you’ve been through a lot and love the idea of a new friend in your new town. See what happens?
Jinn ⋅ July 31, 2023
You can always use a friend but like you said ; you should be upfront about it. Something triggered you to feel uncomfortable, you need to pay attention to that . Intuition exists to help protect us.
woman in the moon ⋅ July 31, 2023
Waterfront coffee shop at 8 am on a Sunday? Kinda wow.
Ginger Snap woman in the moon ⋅ July 31, 2023
Totally wow. Love the place!
Nash ⋅ July 31, 2023
As a former parole officer, 1996-2000, I can tell you it is a well-paying, secure, thankless, soul killing job. If he made it to retirement he is damaged goods and very unlikely to be a decent partner.
Ginger Snap Nash ⋅ July 31, 2023
I wondered if you would weigh in. I remembered something about you working in the prison system in the past. We did talk about the need for good therapists (he has been seeing one for 20 years). But you're right - this guy seems like he's comfortable with being solo and not partnering up.
Complicated Disaster ⋅ July 31, 2023
I can confirm that there are many, many, many fake female profiles on dating sites. When you match there's some initial conversation and then, inevitably, they try to get you involved in their "super high income" Crypto trading schemes! Or it turns out that they live in another country and want a visa husband. Etc etc. xx
sudare ⋅ August 02, 2023
You can follow what you felt.