Shredded Knees in 2014

My left knee has been hurting most of the day, well since I went to the pool during yesterday afternoon. I suppose that's what I get for goofing around. Things just hurt, and my eyesight is getting worse. I'm getting old, haha.

Orientation for work was yesterday. The center looks really really nice, not just new but simply nicer than the other centers I've been to. I am not optimistic about how things will go, but it is a stable job until I find something better. One relief is that apparently there won't be any audits for the first several months, so at least I won't have anyone breathing down my neck observing everything I do. Things should be pretty lax at first, there are other centers in the area and our pay rates are pretty low. Hopefully I can get out of there before I have to do any real work.

I realize more and more how lonely I am. I think I am the most isolated I've ever been. In my hometown, I at least knew a few people, and when I had the internet I always had friends to talk to. In Medford things were no problem, and even in Arizona I still was close to online friends despite knowing only a couple people around me. Here it may as well just be the roommates and a couple of their friends. I've made a nominal amount of effort to hang out with my previously existing friends up here to no avail. I don't feel like pushing the issue, they know I am here if they want to see me. There were some pretty cool people in Gresham, but the Hillsboro crowd is mostly a bust.

I'd say there is only one new person I would legitimately get along with well outside of work, which works since she is my newest like interest. She's pretty new there, one of the medical staff associates, she just graduated with her nursing degree a couple months ago. She is really attractive and seems to have both a similar taste in music and a similar level of desire to see concerts. She also doesn't care about sports, which seems uncommon. I like sports per say, but have no attachment to the teams, and can't relate to the extreme amount of pride a lot of people possess for their favorite teams. Anyway, I barely know her, but I will change that. I feel like there is a good shot something cool could happen, but even if it doesn't, I just need another friend here.

I find myself wandering around online late at night, unable to sleep. It's familiar behavior that's occurred for years. There's just really nowhere to go besides here. I have a deviantart but it was never really worth anything, and no one I know still updates theirs. All the diary sites save for livejournal that I used to go to are gone. Any forums are very long dead. I don't remember the last time I used an instant messenger...I guess those are somewhat obsolete concepts with the advent of Facebook. There's nothing I care for there though. I feel quite disconnected. It may as well be a giant advertisement. People simply repost videos and images they like, rarely conveying an authentic thought of theirs. They're just making money for other people. I try not to like things like that since it spams things up even more. I certainly wouldn't say a site like that is meant to be deep, but it's still too superficial for my tastes. For as much as I live by the mantras of being a loner, I really do miss having a sense of community and a place to interact with others online. Being alone and connected at the same time, hah. I know there are places in this gigantic town that I could fit into. I plan on trying to find them once I'm not so poor. Until then it's just gonna be rough.

All of this is my doing, as I made it happen. Each time I've left something, it was of my own accord. In the long run it will be worth it. I just need to distract myself by working out and playing bass. I got back to it yesterday after slacking off all weekend. Now that I have a much worse schedule and only two days off, maybe I'll be more productive. I was doing well before I finished up at Gresham, even with only having 3 hours after getting home before I needed to go to bed to get my 8 hours of sleep. I just need to repeat that here. Rinse, repeat, get awesomer. It's a solid plan.