#312-Not pregnant in Magician Card

I’m a bit sore this morning. I had a pregnancy scare, if I can call it that. I have one year left of school and want a baby really bad and while I have a healthy relationship, car, education, and a lot of good things. I still don’t have a financially stable job yet until after this year is done with. I want to rely on myself more instead of others.

While I’m relieved that I’m not pregnant yet, I’m also sad a little bit. I’ve had a miscarriage and ever since I’ve had the urge to have a baby. Try again. Life is falling into place for me at least, things are good, even if I have to wait to have a baby.
This morning I woke up to find I started my period and all is good at least. I would like to take a hot shower to ease the cramping but It’s still a little too early.

Last night I had a discussion with my family about my education, and paying for my college. I have only one year left and so they are paying for it. Then after I finish this up I plan to get a full-time job for what I graduated for and then finish up my degree since it’s halfway done at another University.

My mother and aunt spent a lot of time last night talking about marriage. They really want me to get married, however, I’m not in a rush. They seemed just excited at the idea. Which is alright.

Yesterday my aunt asked for some clothes back. She gave me some baby clothes like two weeks ago so I brought them home and put them away. Now she wanted them back because she “found someone who can use them” and then quickly backtracked when I got snappy. I told her they were put away and I didn’t feel like digging for them. She then told me I don’t have to bring back the ones I want, she’s just afraid I’ll toss them. The fuck tho? Like why would I toss them??? She literally gave them to me like two weeks ago and now wants them back first because someone needs them, next because she’s afraid I’ll toss them. Then she tells me she was gonna donate them to the veterinarian hospital. Like…are they gonna play dress up with the animals???

I felt like they were excuses. She can be very bold and outspoken sometimes and she has some nerve at other times. I don’t like being given something and then having to take it back when she discovers a new use for them, it makes me feel like storage. So yesterday I was super irritable with her and she quickly shut her mouth pretty fast. She also came up with more excuses.

This morning I’m not in that much of a better mood but I went to stay the night at my aunts anyways. I’ve just been avoiding her and staying away because sometimes I just can’t stand her. What am I to her??? Sometimes I wonder.

On a side note I’m looking for more work once again now that my other jobs have finished up. One guy popped in offering me work but he always flakes out so I’m not going to wait around for him..