#294-Today is one of my worst days in Magician Card

I feel like shit. This morning I got up super late, things felt alright. My friend is having her baby soon so I have been feeling a tinge of sadness because I have lost my own. I had a late-term miscarriage mid 2021 and eventhough it’s been so long I feel like I am falling apart sometimes whenever I hear news about her baby. I’m jealous.

I feel like my heart is being torn into two pieces and there is nothing I can do to make it feel better. Then this morning I wanted to exercise for a mere 20 minutes and the area I’m using is also used for storage. Somebody wanted to move some things out. I told them to give me 20 minutes and yet they came and interrupted things when I was just getting some momentum. I was already feeling on the edge of bursting into tears and I just felt irritated.

I went inside the house, showered, and then proceeded to cry my eyes out. I feel miserable. I decided I’m not leaving the house today either. I just feel absolutely emotionally overwhelmed. I feel torn up. I feel like such a weirdo sometimes too for still being so torn up and feel like an absolute burden othertimes.