To The Happy New Couple [Friends Only Entry] Thursday, January 29, 2004
I am so confused that even my pen doesn't know what to write. It's like my whole mind is numb. I want to scream and tell them both off...
"Look here. I have been honest with both of you. I was hurt too. I was lied to and told things that I wanted to believe just like you were, Tari. However, there is a big difference. Could you try to look at my point of view for a second? Stop being blinded by your own pain for a moment and look at mine. You were lied to by someone that loves you. I was lied to by someone I thought loved me. Can you imagine the difference for one minute? What is the true difference here? I'll tell you. When all calms down... when everything settles down and the truth is known you are still loved and I am not. You still get to be with someone that loves you and I have to watch the man I loved be in love with somone else. And to top it off, you won't allow that man to tell his side of the story to me. Do you understand what that does to me? It makes me not like you anymore. Maybe that is what you want. I don't know. I don't know anything except that now I am now getting hurt by both of you. You both are being selfish and I hate you both for it."
People are so self-absorbed these days. I am willing to just walk away from this. I pretty much have to. Like I said before, I can not sit here and watch you two be happy together. Just imagining you two holding each other, or kissing, or making love makes my whole chest ache. I am not strong enough to just switch my feelings to accomodate everyone else. Don't expect me to. I just wish people could at least acknowledge that I too am hurt. Sure, I don't cry on the phone. I don't sceam at people. I don't show any emotions. That doesn't mean I don't have them. I have over 2 years of emotions written out on here to prove it that I do have them.
Tari, I know you can't read this... but if you could I would like you to know something. I know that Keith loves you. I know that he doesn't love me. I know he wants to be with you. I know he doesn't want to be with me. I know that someday you two will finally be closer together and happy. I won't be around to see it. I'll be behind closed doors away from everything and everyone. I am the least of your worries. Once I know how two people feel about each other I go my own way. So now it's time for me to stop speaking for it's getting hard to breathe with this pain in my chest. It's getting hard to see with water in my eyes, and it's getting hard to think with these thoughts of having to accept the fact that I've lost another love to someone else, again. But what do you two care about that?
MY GOD THIS HURTS. When will this stop? I need it to stop. I need it to stop now.
Her
Leave a Note
I know the hurt... I am sorry... [~Julie] 1/29/2004 4:42:35 PM
I definetely understand the pain of heartache. It hurts like nothing else, and I am so sorry that you are going through it. [ArtsieDChick] 2/2/2004 1:22:16 AM
Oh boy...do I know how you feel about people being so f*ckin self absorbed anymore...how much it sucks to see a "happy little couple" kissing, cuddling & all that other disgusting shit! Hope things get better for you...take care. ;) [SeekingaPathtoPeace] 2/2/2004 1:23:26 AM
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