To My Note Leaver [Friends Only Entry] Tuesday, January 27, 2004
I got your calls. I don't answer my phone at work any more because I like to lead the example. I am tired of all the personal calls at work so I figure if I stop taking them, they will. Then when you called later I was napping and never heard the phone. The best time to call me is around 11pm. I work out after work now, so I don't get home until around 11pm usually. It really sucks when people don't answer their phones. I know from experience. I am not ignoring your calls. I am simply just not around when you do.
I have to be honest. When I called you I was drunk. When I wrote that God/Satan entry I was drunk. It's really weird that I just out of the blue called you like that. However, in all honesty I am affraid to be your friend again. I don't know what to expect. I don't know what to say to you. And most of all, I don't know why I would want to be your friend again. Sure I had fun with you, but how do I know you had fun with me? How do I know that you actually want to be my friend? I mean, you even want to deny our friendship. I can't bring myself to being in a friendship that has to deny our friendship. I can't understand any reason to deny it. I mean, you lied to me and I was honest to you. Shouldn't I be the one to want to deny our friendship? And don't tell me the reason for all this is complicated... It's not. It's simple. Either you really want to be my friend and be honest with me and your friends or you don't want to be friends. It's that simple. I don't want a friend that is embarrassed of me. That's not the kind of friend I was taught to be. I never denied our friendship and all I can ask is you do the same or we can't be friends. I am really sorry that it all seems to be ending like this. It's sad. I know that you and I could really have good times together. I know that you could be someone that I could talk to. I know that you can truly be a great person. I have seen it. I have seen you treat me so well. I have seen you do great things for me that showed you cared. However, I have seen you and all your lies come out and rip apart our friendship. Trust can be lost in a moment. Trust takes a long time to gain back. I know that you can truly care about someone because even when you are being dishonest with someone you are still thinking of how to smooth things over with them. As strange as that sounds, at least you are trying to be nice. If only you could be honest with me and tell me how you really feel... things would be sooo much simpler.
So Keith, please... Tell me you want to be my friend again and give me one reason for me to trust you when you say that you do. Give us a reason to be friends again. However, please be honest with me... if you are going to keep denying our friendship then don't waste my time. I hope you understand.
Her
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