depression in Open Diary Orphan

i would have never equated that word to me, how I feel, who I am. I have decided over the last few weeks that I am depressed. I know Im not deep down clinically depressed but I would rather go to sleep and never wake up some days. Maybe thats extreme but there are days that I actively think of ways to die. Although I dont think I would do it, today when I left work I was speeding and thought it would be better to hit a pole than go back to work tomorrow. Stupid isnt it. Its embarassing to even admit that. Shame of it all is that I might go back to work tonight.I sat at my desk all day trying to get caught up. during that I got an email with 4 names on it to work that I had already worked. I am so overwhelmed right now. I have stacks of stuff on my desk, I have others helping me with work and I cant get caught up. I dont know what else to do, really. I fuss at people from the billing office. I know I sound like a nut sometimes. Im putting on weight because Im so stressed. I bought a very expensive laptop, a mac, and I can barely log onto work with it because its not really compatible with my companys format. I dont see the whole screen when I log on. So I have to drive into my office to work instead of doing it from home. thats frustrating. I guess I need to buy an inexpensive computer to use for work. I guess Im not too serious about dying if I am going to buy a crappy computer to work from home. shit