meeting You in 2014

1:42pm

So, sitting in the sun can definitely re-energize your life! I've missed days like this so much! And I never thought I'd be this girl who loved to be outdoors sitting in the sun, but that's totally me now. Life's changed. I'm all about the rainbows and butterflies. Everything makes me feel so connected and alive. Life, man! You gotta live it. =]

Of course there are still moments that make me want to crawl into my covers and hide for hours. What would life really be without all that?

Like moments where I try to figure out why I'm still single, or why I cannot make a single new friend, ever!

I think I've officially moved from "this could maybe be something someday" to "man! this is getting annoying" in regards to the CK situation. It's just....ugh! exasperated breath

It doesn't even matter if he's the most shy, quiet guy in the entire world [neither of which are true! he knows/talks to half this dang town!] he could seriously put some kind of minimal effort into this. I've sent him about a hundred and one different signals and signs. I've been subtle and not subtle at all about wanting to hang out and he still seems to miss it all. Like even if he just sent me a message asking how the season went. That would require very little effort on his part and I wouldn't feel so crazy about it all.

I mean even my Uncle's friend/my casual acquaintance sent me a text all the way from Texas to ask if I'd had a chance to relax yet.

I'm starting to think that maybe not seeing him this summer could be a good thing. That's probably why he's constantly on my mind, because he's there all the time. I would finally resign myself to stop thinking about him and he'd show up again. But if he's out of town, or I'm out of town, perhaps not crossing paths at all will help me just let it go. I'd have to eventually. I mean the thoughts won't last forever if he's gone. My brain's crazy, but it's not completely irrational. It knows when it's time to move on.

So I guess that's how that's going to work out. I saw him last night and I thought about 10 different messages I could send him, but damnit. I hate having to chase him. I'm not that girl at all.

Not to mention the fact that I met one of Melissa and Jeremy's friends last night. He walked up to me as we were getting ready to leave and said something like, "it was nice meeting YOU" [his emphasis, not mine] and went in for the hug. I had to laugh but I hugged him anyways. I should add that he was pretty drunk at this point. I'm sure he wouldn't have done it under any other circumstances. Plus his girlfriend was sitting at the table behind us talking on the phone. They'd all gone to that dinner thing together while we babysat the boys.

Apparently Jeremy rolled his eyes at Mom when this happened. And when I looked over at Melissa she had this surprised expression on her face like "I can't believe he just did that!" He stood next to me for a second and then reached out to Mom and thanked her for watching the boys. haha! Oh he cracked me up.

Since no one else is going to read this, I'll admit that earlier in the day I'd thought about meeting one of their friends and how technically "girlfriend" didn't make it a for sure thing. I don't know why I'd had that thought. It just sorta popped into my head. We were sitting around the table when they first showed up and after introductions I could see out of the corner of my eye that he kept glancing over at me. He sat in a chair across from me and his gf was standing in-between us. He was probably just sizing me up. You know, as people tend to do when they meet someone new. But it was interesting that I'd had that thought earlier.

Then when they came back and we were all standing around. I never expected him to get up and give me a hug. Especially with the emphasis on meeting me. How I'd love to have been a fly on that wall after we'd left.

I guess the reason I'm saying all this is that a stranger seemed more interested in talking to me than CK did. Which basically serves to make me feel stupid for hanging on so long. I should be out there giving my attention to someone who wants it. Right? That totally makes sense to me.

Also, I need to seriously find the secret to making new friends! I want to hang out with people like Melissa and her friends. I want to sit around outside drinking beer and bs-ing about life. Man how I miss those days. And these country people seem to satisfy all the friend qualities I'm looking for. Less drama, more relaxing. How do I make these transitions? Someone share the secret code! I'm getting all lonely in my sheltered life.

Who could have predicted I would be saying THAT one day?! This life's done a 180 and I seem to need to learn some new skills in order to live it properly.

Bring on the changes, world! I'm still craving more!

rose.
2:18pm

Last updated July 29, 2014