slow and productive in 2014

4:58pm

I am very tired today. It is one of those slow-moving, very lethargic kind of days. Most of that might have to do with the fact that I woke up at 2am and had a very difficult time going back to sleep. I kept hearing noises that would spike my paranoid curiosity. After a while I got up to use the restroom and then turned on the TV and started to get sucked into Deadliest Catch. I had to force myself to mute it so that I could stop glancing over at the screen. It didn't matter though. I heard it click off when the timer ran out and I was still awake for a while. It was just one of those restless kind of sleeps where you wake up every half hour or so and feel like you haven't slept at all.

On the plus side, I didn't really have anything pressing to wake up for so I laid in bed until almost 10 o'clock. Daydreaming and refusing to open my eyes for more than a few seconds at a time. Even with my slow start I still ended up with enough time to have a delicious breakfast [thanks Mom!] and sweep the whole house before getting ready for work. Pretty sure I even crawled back into bed at some point because I was cold. =) Yay for mornings like that.

We work tomorrow afternoon again and then don't have to be back until next week sometime. Haven't decided what days we're going to open yet.

I am beginning to realize that I've over-committed myself for this summer. Like there's Vegas next month, followed by Seattle a couple weeks later, then Vegas again about a week after that. I told BJ I would go hang out with her and hit the coast. I told my aunt in Texas that I would visit in October to help during Pecan Season, but I have a meeting right around the same time. I also want to see Marie's baby, but I might leave town before she has him, so that means I'll feel an obligation to go back before the end of the year. She's kind of like the only friend I have made in several years so I should definitely be around for something like that. Plus none of my friends have ever been pregnant before [unless you count that high school incident when I lost my best friend...]

Basically I'll be living out of a suitcase for a while. I'm ok with that, really, but it seems weird. There were so many things I wanted to do around here too. I haven't even dug up the dirt to plant my garden yet! Oh, I just remembered we also have a potential invite to a wedding in Mexico in October. Ack. Too many things! When did I become so popular? ha ha.

Not that I'm complaining about any of this! I am 100% absolutely grateful that my life's problems these days consist of trying to pack enough clothes into the smallest suitcase possible so I don't get charged extra at the airport. I'm living an amazing life right now and I thank God for that every single day. [I'm not even trying to brag either. It's been a rough road getting here. I am just happy to finally be happy!]

Is it weird that I also think to myself, "but if I'm gone for so long when will I possibly be able to connect with CK?" Yeah, nevermind. I know it is weird. What can I do?

I need to focus on my own stuff for a while but that's hard to do. I know what I want. I know how I would like to live my life. But at the same time I can't let go of the idea of him. It's been different from the very start. I've said that a million times. Like I can't completely imagine him in my life full time, but I can't imagine losing total contact with him either. It's crazy in my brain. I'm telling you this!

We've sorta been texting off and on. He told me that thing about getting the job and leaving town. [Turns out he won't start for a week or two.] And we have been sending messages throughout the day since then. Well up until last night when I told him I was "in love with Nature" and he didn't respond. haha. I shouldn't admit my feelings so easily. ;-) [I slipped and put "should" admit my feelings...subconscious, what are you trying to tell me?!]

No, but actually we've been going several hours in between messages. Like he'll send one - several hours later - I'll send one - overnight - he'll respond. That kind of thing. He texts at odd hours too; like almost midnight or before 8am. Both times I was definitely asleep. haha. We won't tell him that though.

The only problem in talking via text, or maybe talking in general we haven't had that many conversations alone, is that I'm pretty sure he's completely oblivious to my sense of humor. I'll say things and he shuts me down like it was a regular ol' comment. I don't think he gets it, which totally makes me sad. My witty comments are what keep me going. I'm not sure what it would be like to have a friend who didn't understand any of it. We'll see I guess.

We have been commissioned to watch the boys again this Saturday. It's been about a month since the last time. In a weird coincidence we were just talking about them yesterday. Or more like I was talking since I see all these fun kid things and they always come to mind. By the time we got home last night there was a missed call from Melissa. They got invited to a fair dinner thing and were wondering if we'd watch them. I'm pretty much always down for keeping an eye on those tornadoes. I just need to figure out what we'll do for entertainment. Not sure I can top the balloon idea and I'm not around kids enough to have too many other suggestions. It should be fun though! Looking forward to it.

Time to go home.

rose.
5:53pm

Last updated July 29, 2014