disappearing in 2014

11:20pm

Well Happy [almost end of] Easter! This turned out to be an interesting day.

I realized last night that I don't understand how people work M-F jobs all year round. I'm not sure I could ever go back to that because I just had the last two days off and I feel like zero motivation to get up tomorrow and go to work. How the heck did I ever live this regular life during school/work?! Right now I just feel exhausted.

But then again, I am coming straight out of an insane season and like three weeks without a single day off. Two days does not seem nearly long enough to make up for all that I've missed. I'm sure I'll get myself back into some sort of routine soon.

We were supposed to have a BBQ today, but our friends called a couple days ago and said they were having dinner at their place. I basically woke up with the biggest lack of motivation to do anything so I kind of went into it with the mindset of "I need to be beyond tipsy" to make it through this. Turned out my drinking partner from last time didn't show up so it was silly to drink so much by myself. I didn't want to be the only crazy one. Other people are way more susceptible to the alcohol than I am. It's nice to have them around to shield me from the comments. haha. Not that I'm using them or anything. ;-)

It was nice though. We ate, we talked, we had a little to drink. The usual. A few friends and good times. I'm ok with that. I'll just have to save the BBQ for next weekend.

I also got a text tonight from CK. I'd been in this place all day where I basically had to use every ounce of my willpower in order not to contact him [especially during the drinking session]. It's just like, "why is he sooo shy!?" And I refuse to make any more moves because I've already thrown every signal I could think of at him and he seems to have missed them all. Every time I think he's uninterested though, he shows up at the office just to 'say hi' and I get all caught up in this crazy cycle again.

Although, that might not be an issue for a while. He asked me some really random question about food and ended up telling me that he took a job across the mountain for like 8 weeks, or something. He'll pretty much be living there during the week and coming home weekends for the next two months, or so his extremely long text explained.

I don't even know what to think. Of course I'm totally bummed. We were just starting to talk or whatever. I was hoping it wouldn't be too much longer before I got one of those, "hey let's hang out for drinks" kinda texts. I know this is all moving in slow motion, but man he's like disappearing for several weeks. Not to mention that I'll be in-and-out of town for the next couple months with all my trips. I figured that would make a difference. I guess I didn't expect it to come from his end. Or so soon.

Must not have been meant to be, eh?

I'll just go ahead and spend another summer entertaining myself. Not making any new friends. Who needs those stinkin' things anyways?

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm going to need extra time with Marie in Seattle now to make up for my loneliness. It's kinda lame that I finally try to make a new friend and as soon as I get free time he's leaving town.

Just my luck....

There's nothing I can do about any of it. That's just the way the world works. I don't know why I keep trying to fix it. I've got to go back to living one day at a time. Stop being so concerned with all the details and the future. It'll all happen the way it's supposed to. I fully believe in that. I just got distracted for a bit. Back to planning out all the amazingly fun things I want to do this year, even if I have to do them all on my own!

And bed seems like a great place to start. Getting into the routine of staying up late every night is not how I want to start things out. That does not seem like it'll be conducive to all the awesome adventures. So off I go..

rose.
11:45pm

Last updated July 28, 2014