oct. 2, 2012 in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'So clearly I'm in deep denial here.

I've never wanted to believe it to begin w/. But lately I've been in this surreal dreamlike hazeshock about it. I mean the sex [i'm talking about the 2nd rpe here] was consensual. I've listed everything that makes it rpe. And ya know what maybe I need to take a look at that list again.

But......he pushed me into it. He didn't ask if I was ok. or anything. He didn't wait for me to have sex w/ him.

If I'm having flashbacks about it.........if I'm having dreams body memories of it. if I'm this angry about it. then yeah it is r*pe.

It just feels so horrible. too horrible to be believed.